Back again with Part Two of this awesome film I saw on Svengoolie!

It’s Part Two of my review of Earth vs. the Spider!

Despite the Sheriff’s dismissal of those pesky teenagers’ accounts of Dad’s mysterious disappearance and the great big spider in the dangerous cave, a kindly science teacher, Mr. Kingman, returns to the cave with the kids.

Oops! (Image via Movie Mistakes)

And once they venture into the cave past the warning sign that viewers know means these people are idiots trouble lies ahead for our spunky gang of searchers, they do succeed in finding Dad. However, his somewhat deteriorated condition is a sight to behold. Basically, the man’s diminished to the point of comprising a skeleton and what might be brown goo. (It’s a black-and-white movie, so it might be gray or any other damn color, really.)

“Just call me Boney Maroney” (Image via iCollector.com)

Now, just as I’m thinking it’s time to call an exterminator, the Sheriff finally comes to his senses and realizes the situation isn’t some 50’s teen movie prank. And he orders the cave to be fumigated with extreme prejudice, by judicious use of mass amounts of DDT. (At that point, Rachel Carson had yet to write a book about silent springs and so on.)

“Houston, he have a problem.” (Image via Just Screenshots)

So what do you do with an apparently dead giant tarantula? (Emphasis on “apparently”. Like you couldn’t figure that out!

) A question that humanity has never had cross its collective mind, I’m sure. Nonetheless, the movie posits this very issue and the answer is — put it on display at the local high school gym. For further study and all that science stuff you do with Giant Anything.

“Should we dissect this?” (Image via Cool Ass Cinema)

Unfortunately, although the Big Old Nasty Hairy Tarantula seems to be dead, it is in reality possibly asleep, in a coma, or just stunned by the DDT assault. And when the local teens come around to have band practice in the gym, they play rock ’n roll so loud and awful awesome, it gets Spidey’s toes appendages to tapping along with it.

Apparently, the music is so exciting, the tarantula springs to life and crashes out through the gym wall. Tragedy strikes again when the Big Old Spider kills the janitor. Now, that was sad.

“I hear there’s a sale at Penney’s!” (Image via Pinterest)

There is mild panic in the streets of the small town with mountains in the background as a huge spider silhouette menaces everyone. (This town also looks awfully familiar. I think some monoliths may have shown up there once. But that’s another movie.)

PS: Here’s a random pointless exercise. And the lines are down! Too bad they didn’t have the Internet. :)

Note the symbolism of the fallen mailbox! :)

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Debbi Mack

Debbi Mack

New York Times bestselling author of seven novels, including the Sam McRae Mystery series. Screenwriter, podcaster, and blogger. My website: www.debbimack.com.