‘River of Gold’ (1971) (B-Movie Review) — Part Two
Back with a further look at this … interesting shambles of a movie.
It’s Part Two of my B-movie review of River of Gold! :)
So after Rambo and Associate talk to Ana (who they meet up with at a funeral for Greek Guy (I think), where an impressive crowd of extras in black wail at appropriate intervals), they attend another party on Le Big Boat. But Sidekick and Ana manage to sneak away to his (presumably) new boat (another one called the “Fred C. Dobbs”! Without the II after it?). They cavort the night away.
How they got from the Party Boat to the Fred C. Dobbs is never explained. Meanwhile, Rambo is still at the bar on the Party Boat, perusing a small book containing a poem that Jill (you know, Dead Girl?) wrote. It is safe to say that, at this point, Rambo has developed a fixation with Dead Girl. There’s a reason for this beyond the obvious one.
Here’s the thing: Suzanne Pleshette, aka, Ana told them at some point about a rumor of a river of gold (see what they did there?) that once ran through the lands, but was now likely under the sea due to shifting land masses and the tides and maybe global warming (which no one talked about much then, we were so busy worrying about the ozone layer).
As it turns out, the poem is essentially written in code — one that when deciphered will lead to the alleged buried treasure. So, along with lusting after Dead Girl, Rambo is focused like a laser beam on cracking that code.
So first there’s a line about teaching kids to sing at an orphanage. The two men climb a set of stairs to get there that nearly rival those on the side of an Incan temple. They look pretty winded making their way up them. Probably due to all the parties, booze and poetry reading or canoodling, depending on who we’re talking about.
At the orphanage, one of the kids (a girl — my recollection was a boy, so you see how easy it is to imagine you dreamed something) really does sing “In My Life” (that Beatles song — I wonder how much the rights cost back then?), which is as I remembered it. But it’s a girl who sings it. Whatever.
Okay, so at some point, Suzanne/Anna, Rambo/Magillicuddy (I like that name!), aka Intensely Earnest Beach Bum and Sidekick walk down the street. And Anna/Suzanne is so excited about … looking for buried treasure, I guess. Whatever it was it doesn’t really matter, because right when Sidekick or Rambo goes to get a newspaper for her, an old woman walks right up to Anna and stabs her in the gut with a knife.
And I was like, “OMG! That is exactly the way I remember it. I did not dream this movie. Now I know.” But the line she delivered was slightly different than I remembered it. I thought she said, “I’m dying. How indelicate of me.” Instead what she actually said was, “I’m dying. Isn’t that vulgar?” Oh … kay. Wow! Talk about misremembering like hell. Where the hell did I come up with my version?
However, her death seems in no way connected to the poem or the plans to find a buried treasure. (Did I mention the buried treasure that the poem is supposed to lead to?) The old lady’s son (who’s also the guy Milland slapped after he failed tried to kill Rambo/McTavish) was in love with Dead Girl who was in love with Dead Guy. I think.
Anyway, Ana was (I guess) involved with Dead Guy (when he was still alive — she wasn’t a necrophiliac, as far as we know) and (possibly) this somehow led to Dead Girl committing suicide by chopper leap over deep waters, after her love interest became Dead Guy. From what I could deduce, it seemed the old woman blamed Ana for her murderous son’s depression and ensuing suicide. Quite possibly. Who knows and who cares, eh?
I guess this is what’s called “raising the stakes,” by increasing the body count. Because, otherwise, there ain’t a whole lot going on here.
PS: It is amazing how many images from this barely-remembered film are owned or licensed by Getty Images! :)
