A Misguided History of Film: Presidential Edition, Part III
A sarcastic and misguided critique of landmark films released during US presidential terms.
Co-authored with Demetrios Festa
This is a continuation of our crucial accounts of early film history in Part I and Part II so be sure to check those out first!
7. Jimmy Carter
President Carter is living proof that you can be the most morally upstanding person around and still be hated by half of the country. Every historical assessment of this man calls him a modern day Ulysses S. Grant: Great guy, awful president. Why is this? Well, you could point to any number of domestic policy failures and that nonsense in Iran, but it is hard to forget when the leader of the free world calls out his entire country out for being selfish. How many presidents give their people a proverbial point of the finger and say “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” Well, you listen here, Jimmy, I think that… uh.. you… I’m going to have to sit down for a while here.
Also he was a peanut farmer….and that’s just absurd.
Notable Film: Star Wars 1977
Long before the ridicule and memes, George Lucas was a genuine Hollywood maverick, and Star Wars changed the way movies were made. For one, studios realized the potential of a fully realized big-budget blockbuster, and for better or worse, started making fewer titles with a larger budget in the hopes of hitting as wide an audience as possible. It’s hard to point to just one element that made Star Wars take off (pun 100% intended). Lucas studied every great myth and hero’s journey, ingeniously combined elements of Flash Gordon with Western tropes, creating the creatures and mythos of the Star Wars universe. Furthermore, every single visual effect, sound, and costume were cutting edge, and each major performer finds a way to steal the show.
The title does raise some questions, though, and that is “What stars are at war?” Throughout the series we see many factions, races, and even entire planet systems battle over power through the galaxy, but not once do we see the conflict hinted at in the title. And it’s such a letdown, all we get is a big machine, never a standoff between shooting stars.
Final Verdict: This is not the film you’re looking for.
6. Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan was, without exaggeration, the most consequential Hollywood actor in history. Take that, Brando! Although he starred in classic films like King’s Row and the beloved Bedtime for Bonzo, he soon realized he would never get all the limelight due to his limited acting ability. So one day, Reagan said “If I can’t win the silver screen, I’m going to beat Hollywood at its own game!” And thus started the decade where Reagan’s real-world drama beat out anything churned out from the film industry. Coincidentally, Reagan’s legacy as president parallels careers of celebrities like Kanye West: Whether you love him or hate him, you have to admit he was influential.
Notable Film: Blue Velvet 1986
One of the most celebrated arthouse filmmakers in Hollywood goes by the name David Lynch. What separates him from being just another pretentious auteur is that his films are weird, but they find ways to resonate with people in unexpected ways. Lynch is seen as a master of atmosphere. His first film Eraserhead utilized ambient sounds and strange imagery so effectively that Stanley Kubrick cited it as his biggest influence when shooting The Shining. Many fans know him for his Twin Peaks series and Mulholland Drive, but his true mainstream artistic breakthrough was Blue Velvet. This film used the foundation of a straightforward crime story, but Lynch juxtaposed very traditional scenes with horrifying plot twists and his own brilliant sound design to make something that transcended the genre, influencing many postmodern filmmakers and crime series today.
Of course, who has the time to sit through something like that? Creepy noises and flashy imagery have their place in a horror movie, but combining genres is flat-out dishonest. Back in the Golden Age of cinema (if such a thing ever existed) we would have the characters explain everything that happened. And what happened to having good, clean villains? Bad guys are supposed to teach us lessons, not shock and repulse us, that’s what reality TV is for. I’m watching a mystery to see riddles solved and gaze at Humphrey Bogart’s dreamy eyes, not venture into how evil humanity can be.
Final Verdict: Sacrilegious.
5. George H.W. Bush
Also known as the Bush that people didn’t hate, George senior was the least intimidating Director of the CIA this country has ever known. When he said “Read my lips: NO NEW TAXES,” I don’t think even Barbara Bush believed he would enforce it. You do have to give him credit for choosing Dan Quayle as his VP running mate. Quayle was the least-qualified man to ever serve as Vice President, what with his inability to spell “potato.” But he was a trailblazer. The man paved the way for modern patriots to be taken seriously, regardless of their credibility. That’s right, without Quayle, we wouldn’t have national treasure Sarah Palin (Sorry, Nic Cage) or our wonderful President Trump.
Notable Film: Goodfellas 1990
Nobody does crime movies quite like Martin Scorsese. Maybe it’s his unparalleled style. Maybe it’s his mastery of storytelling. Or maybe it is his uncanny ability to find insight into unsavory characters who draw genuine empathy from the audience. Goodfellas is an amazing example of all of these elements, particularly with its ability to own exactly what it is and still tease viewers into wanting the glamorous lifestyle onscreen, despite knowing the risks. Of course, for such an iconic and celebrated title, it is unethical. You may think I’m referring to the indirect glamorization of crime and violence, but no. The title Goodfellas is a lie.
When my poor mother went to theaters that dreadful day in 1990, she just wanted a laugh. What could offer more smiles than a movie about “Good fellows”? Well, she didn’t get any laughs. As soon as she saw that poor boy getting smacked by his father, she knew she’d made a mistake. Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) even gets aggravated when called a “funny guy.” What good fellow do you know would hate that label? Movie titles should deliver what they promise, it’s really not hard… just look at Bad Boys, or better yet, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.
Final Verdict: Needs a family-friendly Director’s Cut.
4. Bill Clinton
Clinton was a competent president whose legacy was tarnished by an affair, but beyond his quest of trying to understand the definition of ‘is’, the lesser-discussed element of his time in office was his musicianship. Nixon’s piano-playing prowess proved to be powerful television, but he was no Liberace. Clinton, on the other hand, could play one mean saxophone. Bill’s band Three Blind Mice was a magnificent platform for his raw showmanship and charisma and unlike the tight, constrained classical piano that defined the ’70s, this music was far more accessible to Americans of all races and social backgrounds. And boy oh boy did that sax playing help him with the ladies. Amiright??
Notable Film: Pulp Fiction 1994
Love or hate the man, Quentin Tarantino changed modern cinema with his unique style and breathed life into the indie circuits, with every studio always looking for the next Tarantino. For one, he is a genius screenwriter, who writes quirky, but captivating dialogue. Performers are always lining up to work with Tarantino because his roles tend to be so memorable and he seems to extract the best performances out of everyone (excluding himself). But what is most impressive is his ability to turn expectations… like how he just pops up in the film as Samuel L. Jackson’s friend.
Tarantino’s character Jimmy is so over-the-top that people have often called it a strange distraction. Not only is he blatantly racist, but he is a dweeb. And later on, Harvey Kietel comes over and they tease Jackson and John Travolta for how they look, in spite of Tarantino being the most out of place. For such a great writer, it is shocking that Tarantino could delude himself into thinking his portrayal of Jimmy could convince people that Jackson would even associate with such a loser.
Final Verdict: Film: A+, Tarantino’s Acting: F
3. George W. Bush
Nobody remembers what Dubya did in office so much as how he reacted to major crises, which could be the main reason he is considered a bad president. In his defense, though, he seems very personable and can paint pretty well. That seems to be his only defense at the moment, that and his PR team have coached him into swapping the Good ‘Ol Boy act for a photobombing. Though I will say, he seems like he will be perfect in the role of confused old man at family parties.
Notable Film: There Will Be Blood 2007
The title for best filmmaker is always a contested one, but the most celebrated modern master seems to be Paul Thomas Anderson. It’s hard to pick just one reason why his films seem so different, but one major part that Anderson evokes such vivid and impassioned performances from every single actor. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Daniel Day-Lewis, two of the greatest modern performers, each praised Anderson for having a unique talent for creating such powerful and unique characters at the conceptual stage and being able to capture spontaneous changes with actors on set. On top of such vivid characters, Anderson has an unparalleled ability to trigger just about any emotional response in any given scene. This combination of storytelling virtuosity and character development has left the film community in awe and constantly craving more… and never was this more prevalent than with There Will Be Blood.
Centered around a ruthless oil tycoon, we watch as he… hey, wait a minute, there isn’t actually that much blood in this movie! When you see Daniel Day-Lewis’s face on that movie poster it looks like you’re going to watch a crime drama or something, but noooo, it’s just some dark character study. The first twenty minutes has no dialogue, then the next two hours is slow buildup. And for what? A big fire and then screaming matches about milkshakes! I haven’t heard a more misleading title since The Neverending Story. There is one quality in this film, though, and it’s that Daniel Day-Lewis’s mustache looks like a push broom. I guess he’s a good actor too, but I’m not sure how I’d be expected to pay attention to what he’s saying when he’s pushing that fine specimen in my face. But overall, too much talking and ominous shots, not enough violence.
Final Verdict: More like, There WON’T Be Blood.
2. Barack Obama
The fact that this man got elected is one of the single most impressive feats ever in electoral history. I’m not talking about his backstory or him being the first black president. I’m talking about his full name. His first name, Barack, is not only foreign-sounding, but rhymes with ‘Iraq,’ a country that had caused a lot of pain and concern for Americans. His middle name, ‘Hussein,’ was the last name of ruthless dictator Saddam Hussein. And Obama? Well that rhymes with a certain Osama who Barack eventually dispatched, probably in an effort remove any further negative associations.
Notable Film: Gravity 2013
As many of our social-justice inclined readers have noticed by now, all of the directors mentioned before have been straight, white men. So, in keeping with this tradition, we would like to discuss the great Alfonso Cuarón. Since the early 2000s, we have seen remarkable entries from “The Three Amigos of Cinema” which include Cuarón, Guillermo Del Toro, and Alejandro G. Iñárritu. These great visionaries from Mexico have created some of the greatest, most innovative movies of this era and since Pan’s Labyrinth and Children of Men were Bush-era titles, Gravity had to suffice. But that’s ok, since it’s only the most amazing technical breakthrough in modern cinema. This space disaster flick was made possible by Cuarón’s eye for visceral suspense and cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki’s virtuoso cinematography, a man who has not only popularized, but perfected the extended single-shot sequence as we know it today.
The film community is strangely divided on Gravity, however, either calling it a masterful survival story or underwritten pseudo sci-fi trash. I think it has something to do with casting George Clooney as one of the two main characters and his presence can be distracting at times. I mean, have you seen the guy? He’s so handsome. No wonder he’s had such a great career. He’s like that guy you knew from school that’s good at everything but he’s also nice so you can’t hate him. But then you see that he ends up with a gal like Amal Clooney, a beautiful and accomplished international lawyer and you realize that your entire life is a disappointment because you aren’t as smart or handsome as him and will never do what he has done. And sometimes when you’re feeling really low, you get drunk and marathon all the Batman movies just so you can watch Batman and Robin laughing at George the entire time — even when he’s not on screen. Then you purchase a fedora and start to become a men’s rights activist and blame your weight on genetics and secretly cry yourself to sleep at night because you know, somewhere deep down, that all your shortcomings in life are really your own fault and it’s just easier to blame other people. That’s when you realize that in this whole equation, there will always be a George Clooney, but it’s your choice whether you want to hate on him or take the high road and get his face tattooed on your forehead and stalk him during his morning jogs.
Final Verdict: #Clooney4Lyfe
1. Donald Trump
Bill Gates said in a recent interview about his career that intelligence was not as important as he thought it would be… so I guess that explains Donald Trump. What is there to say about the Commander-in-Chief that can’t be summed up in an It’s Always Sunny gag? He beat the odds and leveraged his celebrity profile into beating the DC establishment. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you light a fire and the media fans it at hurricane speed. And that’s really all there is to say about that…
Notable Film: Get Out 2017
It’s very early into Trump’s presidency, but thus far, Get Out is one of the stronger films of 2017. It is a rare modern horror movie that is not only well-constructed, but has done very well at the box office. In fact, with this film, it makes Jordan Peele the first black director to make a movie that has grossed over $100 million. It is impossible to escape the racial components of this film, as it is very much engrossed in the horror of subtle racism, but what is so remarkable is that this movie has proven that a socially-conscious movies can be accessible and entertaining to so many.
Of course, the one element that is totally inaccessible is the fact that it is written and directed by an African American, which totally messes up our trend of straight-white male domination of the director position. However, it should be noted this is a refreshing addition in a time our country struggles with race. Now that we have that out of the way, there’s no more white establishment, right?
Final Verdict: Almost as scary as a Trump presidency.
Part III Verdict: We have reached the end of our cinematic journey through U.S. Presidential History. Although most films on this list do not have enough CGI or explosions to make them bearable, we urge you to pull yourselves away from the inevitable Transformers XXV and Fast & Furious XXXVIII and instead suffer through these critical gems that aren’t that interesting, but will make you seem more cultured and give you plenty of material for your next pretentious rant at a party.
And never fear, we’ll keep this list updated, so tune in next month for President Pence!
Thanks for reading! You can check out the Movie Musing podcast for some slightly more serious analysis. Edited by Mark Febrizio, and Demetrios Festa.
