Celebrity Big Brother is must-watch cross-Olympics programming
Everything you need to know about CBS’s 19-day faux celebrity reality show blitz that’s certain to be a train wreck
Celebrity reality TV is all the rage these days. Dancing with the Stars is a hit, and there’s a litany of reality shows with celebrity right there in the name: Celebrity Family Feud, Celebrity Food Fight, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, and more. Heck, we put the host of Celebrity Apprentice in the White House! It was only a matter of time before we got Celebrity Big Brother, too.
Julie Chen is back with 11 new non-celebrity celebrities you may vaguely recognize from that one thing you saw or, more likely, the celebrity reality shows above. Normally a 100-day summer show, CBS is blitzing through their fauxlebrities in a shameless 19-day cross-Olympics ratings grab. Think of it like Survivor but dumber, with wonky rules that change every season as production sees fit and a cast full of unlikable characters you can pay to watch 24–7. It’s going to be an absolute train wreck, and for TV junkies desperate for something new in February, it’s certain to be pure gold.
Celebrity Big Brother premieres Wednesday at 8pm ET on CBS and airs again every day or two for the rest of February. Here’s where you’ve seen these 11 “celebrities” before and why each of them will — or won’t, for all but one of them — take home the grand prize…
Ariadna Gutierrez
Why she’s a “celebrity”
Ariadna was Miss Colombia in 2014 and finished runner-up in Miss Universe 2015. That alone doesn’t make her a celebrity, but she did Moonlight as a faux winner for a couple minutes on live TV thanks to a confused Steve Harvey.
Why she’ll win
Because she’s drop dead gorgeous and will be able to use her charm and looks to con the others into keeping her around all game.
Why she won’t
Because she’s drop dead gorgeous and the other women will be jealous and team up to vote her out early.
Brandi Glanville
Why she’s a “celebrity”
Brandi is a reality TV star, most notably from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. If you don’t know her there, you might’ve also seen her on Celebrity Apprentice, My Kitchen Rules, Sharknado 4, or that other shameless money grab she was once part of.
Why she’ll win
Brandi already competed less than a year ago on Celebrity Big Brother U.K., so she’s familiar with the game and its quirky rules.
Why she won’t
Brandi already competed less than a year ago on Celebrity Big Brother U.K., and she was the fourth person voted out.
Chuck Liddell
Why he’s a “celebrity”
The Iceman brought UFC into the American mainstream before diving into the world of bit roles playing himself in television and movies. He’s 205 pounds of pure muscle.
Why he’ll win
Liddell has an extensive background studying each opponent’s individual weakness and bending their collective wills into submission.
Why he won’t
Liddell is terrifying and, even though Big Brother isn’t really a physical competition, is sure to scare the bejesus out of his fellow competitors.
James Maslow
Why he’s a “celebrity”
James is a singer-actor from Big Time Rush, which is the name of both a boy band you’ve never heard of and a Nickelodeon show you’ve never heard of.
Why he’ll win
Big Brother loves to let America vote on things, and Maslow is sure to have plenty of votes from the kiddos and millennials that have been watching him on terrible children’s shows for years.
Why he won’t
He’s a decade younger than everyone but Ariadna and may have a hard time making alliances and fitting in with this crowd.
Keshia Knight Pullam
Why she’s a “celebrity”
She’s Rudy!! No, not the Notre Dame football Rudy, Rudy Huxtable, the lovable youngest child on that wonderful 80s Cosby Show we’ve all collectively agreed to pretend doesn’t exist anymore.
Why she’ll win
Keshia is a reality show veteran, with appearances on Fear Factor, The Weakest Link, Celebrity Mole, and Celebrity Apprentice. She was the youngest actress ever nominated for an Emmy. She won’t be intimidated by the cameras.
Why she won’t
Everyone else is used to the cameras too, and Keshia has a one-year-old at home and may be a little too sweet to hold her own in this often vicious game.
Marissa Jaret Winokur
Why she’s a “celebrity”
Winokur won a Tony on the Broadway musical Hairspray and has since been on a million annoying shows like The Talk, All About Sex, The Steve Harvey Show, and Dance Your Ass Off (spoiler: she didn’t).
Why she’ll win
Marissa might be The New Girl in Town, but she’s Big, Blonde, and Beautiful and You Can’t Stop the Beat, so she could turn out to be the Ladies’ Choice.
Why she won’t
Marissa was once supposed to star in a CBS comedy titled Fugly. If something as brilliant as Fugly fails, maybe Winokur just isn’t a winner.
Mark McGrath
Why he’s a “celebrity”
McGrath is the lead vocalist for Sugar Ray, which you probably remember from Fly, Every Morning, When It’s Over, and more 90s songs than you think.
Why he’ll win
McGrath already has experience succeeding both with a team and on his own, when he left Sugar Ray to work as a co-host on Extra. He’s good looking and was once named People magazine’s “Sexiest Rocker.”
Why he won’t
That was 20 years ago.
Metta World Peace
Why he’s a “celebrity”
Metta is a 2010 NBA Champion and former NBA All-Star and Defensive Player of the Year, when he went by Ron Artest before his role in the Malice at the Palace, brawling with fans in the stands in an infamous Detroit game.
Why he’ll win
Metta has reformed since changing his name to World Peace, a calmer more tranquil version that is now a coach for the Los Angeles Lakers developmental team. The Beast has become The Panda’s Friend.
Why he won’t
Like many others here, Metta was on a season of Dancing with the Stars. Unlike the rest of them, he was eliminated first. Also, Metta’s crazy. SAY QUEEN’S BRIDGE!!
Omarosa
Why she’s a “celebrity”
Sigh. Omarosa was a surprise villain on the first season of The Apprentice and road Donald Trump’s coattails all the way to a short-lived spot in the White House last year.
Why she’ll win
Omarosa is nasty. She knows how to play these sorts of games and convince the folks in charge she’s only the second worst player. And she’s the game’s biggest celebrity, so production is sure to bend the rules repeatedly to keep her around as long as they can.
Why she won’t
At some point, she’s going to have to actually win over her housemates and get some votes on her side, and winning people over is not a skill set Omarosa has ever had for anyone that spent more than a few minutes with her.
Ross Mathews
Why he’s a “celebrity”
He was Ross the Intern from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and you currently know him from shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race and Hollywood Today Live.
Why he’ll win
Mathews is cheery and likable and should get along well with others in the house, and he’s supposedly a huge Big Brother fan, so that could give him inside knowledge and a leg up on the competition.
Why he won’t
Ross will probably try to make friends and run the game behind the scenes, but his game could get blown up by some of the bigmouths in the house.
Shannon Elizabeth
Why she’s a “celebrity”
Shannon is an actress from American Pie, Scary Movie, Love Actually, That 70s Show, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and many other films and TV shows, usually starting as “that one hot girl from that thing I saw.”
Why she’ll win
Elizabeth is one of the leading celebrity poker players, so she’s already proven an uncanny ability to read body language and tell when an opponent is bluffing. She’s a Big Brother fan and will be ready to play the game.
Why she won’t
Shannon is likable, beautiful, and sociable and the chair of a non-profit animal rescue organization. She’s a huge threat to her competitors, if they are playing the game enough to realize they need to get her out.
Who ya got?? Post your pick in the comments…
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