Truth in Satire

Donald Trump Reviews “Hamilton”

I mean look, you have a hero, an American Hero, truly great, self made with only some help from his father, Ivy League education from Princeton, and on track to become a great lawyer and politician, and a man, and then everyone is fawning, just fawning, over this immigrant who came in from a boat, from the water, like a water boat, nobody mentions this, but the boat came in from another place, across the water, and he gets out, and with no claim to the America that was, begins to make it different and changes it, changes it to become different, you see, nobody talks about this, but America goes from one way to now all of a sudden it’s a different way, and this immigrant should not have been allowed to be as close to the presidency as he was, he infiltrated our military, but then this Ivy League Lawyer was also a war hero, so why is he a villain, answer me that, can you answer that, nobody has the answer, why in the world is the villain of the story a war veteran, brilliant scholarly student who studies, who earned, mind you he earned on his own with the help of his family by himself, he earned not with the help of a boat or the French, he earned a role in Thomas Jefferson’s cabinet as Vice President, and Jefferson’s a great man, truly great, people wonder if he was maybe not so great, because oh Thomas Jefferson said this or did this but he’s on the nickel for a reason, do you understand, people forget, they don’t realize, they always leave out and forget that he was on the nickel for quite a while, and some say even today Thomas Jefferson is and should be on the nickel, and so if people are wondering why America needs to be great again, and why I’m going to Make America Great Again, they’ll need to first ask why was America great again the first time, and it’s because of the brilliant minds of our founding fathers, and Mike Pence is doing a great job, really fantastic, he doesn’t get enough credit so I’d like to just say, he’s doing a great job as my Vice President and I think I’m doing better than Thomas Jefferson because although I’m not on the nickel yet, I also haven’t fired Mike Pence yet, and that’s something, that’s truly astounding, unheard of if you really stop and think about it, so that’s why we need to stop boats and water and especially water boats, it’s absolutely necessary, the boats bring in too many of these people, where are they from, I don’t know, but they could be bad, they could be good, some might be good, but some might be bad, we don’t know, and I don’t know, and that’s what I do know, I know that we need to think about the well being of Americans, the smartest, Americans have the brains and the heads, really something, they have both, brains and heads, truly really, it’s something, and we can’t let them lose anymore, America has been losing since the beginning, it used to be great, but then it was not so great, and some say it was never great because of water boats bringing in these people who can get so close to power, you understand, it’s something that I want to stop and should have been stopped and thank god it stopped so that I can stop it, I don’t have to stop it I mean, but I could stop it if it unstopped later on, and I think that in removing a foreign power with ties and connections outside of America, that maybe Jefferson’s Vice President was acting like Pence, in that he was Vice President, and sure people say he wasn’t so great a guy, but that was way back then and I think Pence is showing remarkable, truly remarkable, fantastic restraint by not just taking out these foreign people, instead he’s thinking with his brain and his head, both at once, incredible, and he’s thinking hey maybe for once we can work together, him and me together, we’re working together to find a solution that makes America truly great again for the first time since the last time.

Anyways, to answer your question, I thought Hello Dolly was confusing.

Kevin Froleiks is a New York based comedian. Follow him on twitter or check out his website to find out where he’s performing next. His comedy album, Jokes I Don’t Really Do Anymore, is available for free on his website as well. You can also check out his podcast, We Wrote A Musical, on iTunes.