No White House Policy Despite Fear of Zombies At All-Time High
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic Senator Charles Schumer took the Trump Administration to task today over its failure to fill hundreds of appointments, the partial reinstatement of its travel ban, and its total failure to develop an anti-zombie policy despite fear of Zombies being at an all-time high.
“The purpose of the travel ban was to give the government ninety days to address its refugee policies. Those ninety days have since passed and yet the Trump Administration insists on reinstating the ban despite its stated purpose being void. President Trump hasn’t filled hundreds of key positions in his government like ambassadors and regulators, but he did give his caddy a job as the head of The White House social media team. Furthermore, President Trump hasn’t yet developed any sort of anti-zombie policy despite that across the board, all Americans find zombies scarier than immigrants, criminals, and the threat of war. The president should be ashamed.”
Despite tough talk from The White House, no zombie policy has come forward. As congressmen bicker back and forth, no leadership has emerged on how to craft a specific policy on the matter.
“Just because people are afraid of zombies doesn’t mean we should have to pass laws to protect us from them. Zombies are not real,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, “I think we can all agree that zombies are terrifying, but in the end, why spend federal money to protect us from a thing that will never hurt us? It’s nuts.”
Congressman Peter King (R-NY) had quite a different point of view.
“If the people feel they need protection from zombies, and we are elected to represent the people, then we need to consider that maybe our job needs to be passing laws the people want even if the thing they fear isn’t real at all. I have spoken with the President, and I’ll be putting forth a bill to ban zombies from our shores, to keep America safe.”
Noted expert George Romero of the American Zombie Policy Institute put out a written statement in favor of the Republican bill, in the hopes that it will get out of committee and see a vote on The House floor.
“For decades I’ve been doing my level best to ensure Americans know the threat posed by zombies, and it’s nice to finally see some action taking place on the federal level.”
“Go see the forthcoming Afternoon Of The Dead, coming out this fall,” the statement added.
