Why I Love Cold Callers

And maybe you should, too

I know it’s a cold call, a solicitation to support some cause or an attempt to sell me some product, even before the caller speaks.

Indeed, it’s because the caller doesn’t speak at all.

The equipment in cold call boiler rooms dials multiple phone numbers simultaneously; the caller seizes the first one that answers, hanging up on the others. Technology initiating multiple calls enables the sales staff to spend less time waiting for people to pick up, thereby disrupting, disturbing, and annoying a larger number of innocent and unsuspecting folks.

Getting on the don’t-call list seems to be impossible. My numerous requests to have my number eliminated have proven downright futile.

I recently read an article where people described various ways they respond to cold calls, the purpose being to keep the caller on the line as long as possible. They’re wasting my time? I’ll waste theirs. It’s the least they can do, prankster responders assert, to discourage this irksome enterprise that seems to grow worse daily. Rare’s the morning I do not receive a half dozen such solicitations. And that’s just the morning. The calls rain down all day and well into the night.

My own method for toying with these callers is to adopt a phony, generic eastern…