“Boys will be boys”
A get-out-of-fail-free card handed only to men
From an early age growing up, I’ve heard the phrase “Boys will be boys” numerous times. Every time I hear it casually thrown around mid-conversation, I can’t help but see it as something similar to a get-out-of-jail-free card ready to be used at defense in any given situation. You walk past two little boys punching each other on the playground and the mom chuckles. “Boys will be boys.” Or worse yet when a teenage boy is charged for sexual assault and half the adult population rolls their eyes and says, “He’s just a kid, after all, boys will be boys.” What about when a teenage girl walks past the bus stop, and her male classmate stares her down; it’s annoying, but it’s expected because boys will be boys. This phrase reflects the numerous underlying problems in today’s society. Initially, it demonstrates our society’s tendency and ability to forgive men’s bad behavior because we believe it’s somehow wired in their DNA. Additionally, it’s society’s way of using a harmless phrase to suggest that women and men are different. This reinforces the assumption that boys will act a certain way and do certain things no matter what.
Without a doubt, girls and boys are raised differently. If a young girl washes her own dishes after dinner or offers to clean the table, you never hear anyone saying ‘girls will always be girls’. It doesn’t roll off the tongue nearly as easily as ‘boys will be boys” does when a boy comes home covered in dirt looking rough from playing in the mud. If young boys grow up hearing these excuses made on their behalf, it becomes an issue for society later down the line.
Some people go out into the world acting as if their actions have no consequences.
Phrases like “boys will be boys” help normalize and make these behaviors excusable. Our justice system is being affected by behavior like this, something as serious as rape or sexual assault should not be dwindled down to this phrase that ignores consequences in order to save the image of those boys or men who are evidently a danger to society. A couple of years ago, Brett Kavanaugh, who was a Supreme Court nominee at the time, was at the center of public conversation due to his actions as a high school and college student. “Boys will be boys” was used as one of the defenses for alleged sexual assault. An example of this would be education professor Jonathan Zimmerman who wrote In USA Today that “of course [Kavanaugh] was different then; he was a third of the age he is now. And teens do stupid, dangerous and destructive things.”
It is common for people not to realize that phrases like these travel from households into the real world where it is being used in the defense of cruel and unacceptable behavior. Numerous research studies done in the past have confirmed that parents talk more frequently with daughters than sons about issues surrounding rape, and tend to frame conversations around reducing the risk of assault. We live in a society where violence against women is both prevalent and common, and for that reason, it’s reasonable for those who care about women and girls to worry about their safety. However, ending rape culture or abusive behavior starts with the way young boys are raised.
Instead of asking women to alter their behavior, it’s time we get to the root of the problem: teaching young boys to grow into respectable men without finding excuses that endorse their character.
While scouring the internet to fuel my curiosity, I stumbled across The Good Men Project, an organization founded by Tom Matlack in 2009 that shows a glimpse of what masculinity might look like in the 21st century. They set out to start an international conversation about what it truly means to be a good man in today’s society. Tom’s intention was to “set out to collect stories about the defining moments in men’s lives.” He soon then discovered “that the connected idea between all the stories of the men Tom talked to was that there was a moment when each man ‘woke up, looked in the mirror and said ‘I thought I knew what it meant to be a man.”
The Good Men Project is striving to start conversations on topics that are often viewed as taboo or not talked about enough in the media. What distinctly separates them from other organizations is the way in which these conversations are created. They invite their audience to participate in a variety of methods; this includes adding new voices to the conversations through writers, talking about specific topics or ideas through weekly calls and providing classes along with workshops which focus on writing, platform building, editing, creating social change, and leadership.
I believe it is imperative for people to realize that good men do exist and for men to realize that there is a platform to discuss their problems, ideas and better both yourself and your attitude. Furthermore, this organization means a lot to me as I believe it is establishments like these that will modify the way boys of the future generation grow up.
Education alone by no means will stop the utilization of “boys will be boys” nor change the ways of rape culture, but it undoubtedly will create a solid foundation for change. Education surrounding topics like these should start at a young age, and it is time we go beyond teaching young girls how not to be the victim, but rather guide young boys to promote mutual respect and growing into a decent human being.
Remie is a rising junior high school student from Thailand. She is passionate about making a positive change within her community and will jump at any opportunity she gets to meet new people. She strongly believes in gender equality and solidifying that change for future generations which is what inspired this article in the first place. In her free time, she often turns to Netflix, reading and her favorite activity of all time: baking.
