Why I Talked to My Vietnamese Parents About Black Lives Matter
Letters for Black Lives: Racial Justice Begins At Home
It goes without saying that the Black Lives Matter movement is a necessary, ongoing fight against systemic racism; a phantom that has haunted our schools, offices, and neighborhoods for many years too long. Many of us do not have problems talking about the subject to people who understand us, and who share our perspective. However, as humans, we naturally shy away from situations in which we find ourselves in conflict with other people’s opinions, which often prevents us from fighting for our beliefs. Thus, how do we approach someone who doesn’t understand the movement the same way we do, and has been raised to believe otherwise?
During such an essential time for the black community, it is important to have these honest conversations with our families to support their fight for justice. However, many people, including myself, find it difficult to bring the subject up to them, especially if they hold prejudiced beliefs. Sometimes, we don’t want to damage a relationship with someone we love by bringing up their racist ideals. Sometimes, we don’t know the right words to say, and conversations can escalate into arguments. And sometimes, language barriers prevent us from effectively communicating our thoughts to the other person.
A few weeks ago, on Blackout Tuesday, I decided to support the movement as a Vietnamese ally by posting a black square, and commenting below my post, petitions, donation sites, and education resources that people could utilize for their own and the movement’s benefit. That same day, my parents, who harbor racist beliefs, saw my post and confronted me about my intentions. Much to my dismay, they did not understand why I was supporting the “violent protesters” that they saw on the news, and the black people whom they thought were “naturally barbaric.” I was not prepared for such a crucial exchange, and did not speak enough fluent Vietnamese to convey the movement’s importance. Thus, the conversation escalated, and I ended up crying in front of my parents that night, frustrated that they couldn’t understand my passion for the movement. In the end, neither me nor my parents gained anything from that conversation; we just left holding onto our clashing opinions tighter than before.
Looking back on that day, I wish that I had the Vietnamese skill, the right words, and the empathy to engage in a proper conversation with my parents. Although it would be very easy to place all the blame on my parents for stubbornly gripping to their ideals, we both failed to see the other person’s perspective; I did not consider that they had different experiences from myself growing up, failed to properly educate them about the injustices that the black community faces, and only fostered greater misunderstanding in them towards the movement.
A few days later, scrolling through Instagram, I found a post containing a letter, titled “Dear Mom, Dad, Uncle, Auntie: Black Lives Matter to Us, Too.” The post had many supportive comments and shares, and because of the experience I had some days prior, I gave the post a read. That was how I discovered Letters for Black Lives, a crowdsourced project whose goal was to help people start the conversation for racial justice with their families.
Letters for Black Lives is a community of 400+ translators, writers, and organizers that provides the public with resources they can utilize to open their families’ perspectives to the Black Lives Matter movement and help them gain more understanding of the current situation. Their resources include a conversation guide, as well as letters, written and translated into a variety of languages, aimed at “creating a space for open and honest conversations about racial justice, police violence, and anti-Blackness in our families and communities.”
Their earliest letter in 2016, the one I saw on Instagram, has 7 editions targeted towards different ethnic communities, and has been translated into 20+ languages. Currently, their 2020 rendition of the letter has been translated into a total of 46 languages! Their letters have reached the hearts of many, as seen from the hundreds of shares on Facebook and Instagram, and their community is constantly growing, as they still have many languages to translate their multiple editions to. With a global movement that is constantly growing to reach so many different communities, Letters for Black Lives’ translations unifies these communities, and helps those who do not speak the same language stand in solidarity under the same movement. It is essential that immigrant families such as mine who came to the U.S. with no prior knowledge of English come to see the importance of the movement and join the effort.
The part about Letters for Black Lives that touched me the most was how they seek to help people start not a debate, but an open, honest call for understanding. Especially after the exchange I had with my parents, I realized that such important conversations like these often go awry because when we encounter opposition, we tend to try to prove ourselves right by arguing and building hostility, while straying away from the intended focus of the conversation: to help the other person see the Black Lives Matter movement from an empathetic perspective. On their website, Letters for Black Lives states one of their primary goals:
“The goal of the letter is to start a conversation with loved ones about the unique struggles that the Black community faces. We are not trying to prove we are “right” through debate (this letter is not intended to help you win an argument). We need to meet people where they are so they will be open to a perspective other than their own. After reading, people should understand they should be listening and reflecting.”
After reading the letter, my sister and I decided to repost the letter on FaceBook for my parents to see on their feed; after all, if we could not get through to them, maybe someone who knew how to effectively communicate in Vietnamese could. Although I was too afraid to directly speak to them about it afterwards, I began to notice that my parents were not as negatively outspoken towards the protests as they were before. However, they have not turned around their racist beliefs, as it is not a simple task to completely change someone’s past beliefs, and I am okay with that; if more time and words is what it will take for me to change my parents’ mind, then so be it. I can only hope that the journey towards empathy will only get better from here.
You must be wondering: if my parents did not completely change their perspective after I shared the letter, then why am I writing this article?
I’m writing this to show you that if you’re having trouble showing someone you love the importance of the Black Lives Matter movement, whether it be because of language barriers or lack of the right words to say, then you are not alone; other people, including myself, have gone through it too. It’s okay if you cannot change the other person’s perspective right away, because it is not a single giant leap, but a journey that we must be willing to take if we want to support the black community. Because of this common struggle that many people face when fighting for the movement, there are resources out there, like Letters for Black Lives, that can help you start that journey.
It may seem like a very difficult path to go down, but it is essential that we support the Black Lives Matter movement, even if we do not share the same background. They are people just like us who share the same land; even though we have our own struggles, at the moment they are going through much more dangerous obstacles. Many are risking their lives to fight for their comrades’ justice by going out and protesting; for those who cannot, we must focus on boosting them up through our words.
We should not be living in a world where black people have to worry about police brutality, or the racist system that is set in place for them. We cannot call America free until every person can walk the streets without fearing for their life, a liberty that the black community does not have. This cannot happen until we fight for racial justice, and that conversation starts in the home.
Linda Tran is an upcoming freshman at UCLA who is passionate about making societal change through the power of words. In her free time, she enjoys playing the violin and binge-watching anime to her heart’s content.
