My boyfriend talks to everyone

Honestly, I feel like I should, too.

Made with Canva

We’ve been dating for a while, but I’ve only recently noticed how chatty he can be with strangers. Here are some examples:

1. While waiting for me to finish trying on sports bras at an Adidas store, he complimented someone’s shoes and started talking about various brands and the athletes that those brands sponsor/outfit.
2. At Kroger, he goes above and beyond the usual how-are-you’s with the cashier and comments on how much he likes the Private Selection brand and why we chose the refried beans the cashier has just rung up.
3. During a slight emergency that involved me being cut by some unknown protruding metal outside of a Walgreens, I found him casually chatting with the worker, debating bandage brands and coverage.

I’ve always thought this habit of his was endearing. I liked watching him talk to cashiers about grasshopper-infused ice cream flavors and saving 20 more cents on gas by paying with cash, but I never really thought about joining in.

I was always just the girlfriend off to the side, smiling and observing this brief friendship unfold.

I never felt jealous during those moments, until I found myself alone in California, in a long line at Sprouts, sandwiched between two pairs of strangers who have began making conversation. Then it happened again during a networking event where I found myself posted by the snack table, watching other people mingle and exchange business cards.

It’s not like I’m unfriendly or introverted. I actually switched from INFJ to ENFJ towards the end of college, after years of being at the cusp between “I” and “E” on the Myer Briggs test. I’m just not great at inserting myself into situations.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt the need to wait for permission or acknowledgement from the other person before I can engage them in conversation. I picked this up as a lesson of respect from my Filipino upbringing — children do not interrupt adults when they talk, and they absolutely do not answer back unless called.

I thought I had gotten over that silly rule about “waiting my turn” in college, where I grew in confidence and felt my assertiveness bloom in leadership positions. I felt it blossom even more at work, when I felt capable to speak my mind and defend my opinions.

As it turns out, I’m not fully there. I still stop myself from complimenting a stranger’s super cool outfit, and I still feel uneasy in large groups. I still feel the need to get permission to take away someone’s attention from a conversation or a task they’re doing. That’s probably why it’s so hard for me to strike up conversation, even when it’s just me and the cashier in a quiet store.

But I am working hard to make progress: I ordered business cards with the full intention of running out of them by the end of next year. I now join my boyfriend’s small talks at the grocery store and try to go beyond the hello. I make myself sit with someone new at a volunteering event, and I do my best to smile and ease into a conversation, because there’s no point in rushing the possibility of a new friend.

I am learning everyday to let more of the world in, because life is too beautiful to keep at bay.