My love letter to Ohana
Dear Ohana,
How did I get to here without knowing you? What do you remember about those 2 days we just had? … when we gathered because Project Cocoon team called us and so generously, so generously hosted us …
We were appealed to with a picture of Einstein being playful at 72 … “problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them” [insert your favorite reason to be attracted to Einstein here].
And from perhaps that shared basis, what an experience I have had with you.
How provocative for me to be invited (and found myself?) to be part of a work revolution. And since Ohana meetup ’18 I have been consumed with ideas, thoughts, sensations, consciousness, longing to re-connect as I spent a couple of days reflecting around Roma. Did you not get to be at OM18? other commitments, pressures, a desire but an equally uncertain who am I to be there, didn’t know about it then? … come next time, please!
Ohana has a principle to meet at the epicenter of the ecosystem? … how I want to skew this with connections so that one year we get to meet in Hawaii!
I am now back in UK, Brighton — it’s grey and raining, so wonderfully predictable and helpful for a day in which I just want to re-gather and write to you.
Note: this is quite long and written for me to process an extraordinary event, on one hand self-indulgent … if you do write back though, I promise to read and reply; I grew up in an era in which we had pen pals!
This is just the musings and stories I concocted while with you Ohana, and continuing to learn and be inspired in Roma post you, wandering around Rome … my thoughts are filled with you all, and the possibilities, and the what nexts … What can we learn from the start of revolutions?
The start or are we in an adventure phase?
We were intrigued by a call to a revolution, no?… for some we discovered that this word was not our description, preferring evolution. I discovered in my first open space session led by Daniela, that for me, the blood has already and is being spilled … in the pain and lack of safety I experience in large, corporate organisations; here a revolution of love has never been needed more.
I wandered to the site of revolution on the hill of … (actually this is where the story I want to tell may not be based in reality — I am unsure where I took the above photo after all, the recorded info says near villa doria pamphili, but now I am not sure if there was revolutionary fighting on this actual spot, anyways it’s my story!) and saw purple flowers and this is how I immediately made sense of this … if blood had been spilled then perhaps the ground is drenched and cellularly changed to create flowers of a particular colour. I have no knowledge or rationale for this … just a felt sense of ease and understanding that purple flowers grow where blood has been spilled. (of course, I google later if there is truth shared by others in this … yes, some).
The joy though, Ohana, is that I am connecting our time together to the moments in history where people bravely stood and said: here. this. is. my. boundary. I. am. prepared. to. make. it. cost. to. achieve. a. change. How privileged we are that those that went before asked for such changes, that we are free to create some new ways. I long to be joined, Ohana, by people from every part of this planet … perhaps this safety I can have to be able to challenge is not a shared way of being in other places, perhaps where the whispers of revolution can only dare or where the loudest shouts are needed, with our support, now! And of course in the corporate places I work and continue to be dangerously attracted to, it is my truth to whisper and shout, there for the seeds of revolution.
Are there pathways we will keep clear?
And I will call this, what we have started and continue, whatever you prefer to call it … evolution, or revolution, or a new word we don’t have yet: my meaning (in this moment) our radical craving for something different, a movement towards new ways that dissipate the old ones that have held us back from nurturing ourselves and others. You, Ohana help me to give voice to the thoughts I have kept close and private for decades.
And over time we will continue to build a narrative together … perhaps shared and perhaps really different … embracing bio-diversity so as not to become extinct, would seem an important part of who we can become. At this point, here I find a growth edge, still, despite years of embracing and being curious for difference; in my most private spaces, I would still rather be agreed with and unchallenged (how small I still am and unprepared for healing such narcissistic wounds that got me here).
Romanticism, a remarkable accident
I found myself in a little rain storm the 2nd day after Ohana, down the slippery Spanish steps and right next to the Keats–Shelley Memorial House, what chance! Like the chance of being surrounded by you for 2 days, Ohana. I feel bereft now that I did not say enough and see enough of each of you … because of my shyness and also most certainly because the fullness of the conversations that were held, in the beautiful container of open space that helps to ensure that all could participate. And I do hold dear “whatever happens is the only thing that could have” and ALSO I am a rebel and a human and I miss not knowing you better now … Ohana, what do you do each day? what are the challenges you face? why do your eyes shine?
Back to the Romantics, I was amazed to learn the movement was only for 40 years or so … and yet left a legacy of unadulterated (sic) love. No apologies. No apologies, neither naive nor idealistic.
At 2pmish Thursday 22nd March 2018, I sat waiting, feeling pretty open for the beginning of the Ohana event, playing with the idea that I was a little anxious … given I really had just turned up in another country to a complete unknown experience (my actual research about Cocoon project had been pretty limited too). My trust was being awakened. And in the opening sentences of welcome, Stelio says we believe that love can replace fear … and I breathe, laugh (not out loud! — I don’t know anyone yet!), and feel relieved … at last an unapologetic call for something sensible!
Is this new?, question many of us asked over the meetup, or a recovering of that which I have understood and held close, daring not to have it ridiculed by others. But now I have found a similar bunch of love enriched humans. I challenge us to remain steadfastish in our truthish that there is nothing easy, naive or idealistic about deepening humanity through love … it’s the hardest, edgiest way of being. the hardest way, to want to stand up against the cynicism of our time and to work from love, … this is a more difficult path. It is naive to continue to use fear, hate, disassociation and to decimate others with power … they are the naive ones: “showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement”. Not that I blame them either, it’s a tricky and treacherous path to move against the tide … (trust me it takes mixed metaphors).
“The bright blue sky of Rome, and the effect of the vigorous awakening of spring in that divine climate, and the new life with which it drenches the spirits even to intoxication, were the inspiration of this drama” (Shelley in the preface to Prometheus Unbound). I woz there Spring 2018
The giant thinkers and doers in our midst
Who are the giants in Ohana? (I am super inspired by Leonardo da vinci, things I now know (sic) after visiting the da vinci museum, … he was probably 6 foot 6 inches tall). who stands up and can just see for miles ahead and behind us? … inventing, and creating … such giants are amongst us, Ohana. I listened to, and you patiently explained simply, elegantly that which you have carefully invested your life to understand … meticulously, and with sacrifice … thank you. That when connectors and integrators come along and say we have decontextualized and specialised our knowledge so that we know almost nothing … well, how wild and cross you have a right to feel. Please keep your specialisation of knowledge too and also continue to take this and put it back more broadly. Together we can understand so much more … or nothing at all. In this moment, Ohana, are we enough?
The museum seemed adamant that the coding in Leonardo’s work was to protect his patent … not for me. My story is that this amazing, sensitive man wanted to ensure that civilization achieved a maturity, a development of learning and ethics so that when his ideas were popularized and ready for mass production we would have enough balance not to totally destroy everyone else in one foul swoop (and of course someone still might). If we are on the cusp of a revolution that is ruled by love and not fear … then some of us do see less daily destruction. Trust me, you may have spotted I am telling you stories … the ones I want to hear and read and share. If keeping our work revolution grounded in ethics is most important to what we do, connect with me (my own life is riddled with hypocrisy).
The third thing I learnt about Leonardo … he seemed to live with the dilemma of how to be paid. He took money from the powerful … and helped them with their pursuits; the museum says this left him in a quandary (I wonder if I will ever devote time to read his codex … I want to hear his voice). And so, to the corporates! … it is blood money (one of my revolutionary brothers cries on day 1 in the open space (was it you, Eugenio?). I don’t fear that so much, I embrace something of that (not the disregard for humans chewed up in their remote, unsustainable supply chains) … but all those multiple, unpaid 20% corporate tax bills, so yes, if I get my livelihood from them I feel something like I am taking back that which they owe. And hopefully I design into their business something that cracks (like the mural paints of days gone by) a crack of love and sharing power, in the design of the fabric of their organisation, an impact that won’t be seen for years to come. Is this an ok revolutionary pursuit, Ohana? Or if I can help one people exit the space safely into a new life of love, or if I can witness and listen to my fellow people make the tradeoffs of their autonomy for other gains (we met here Carmen!), or if I offer a challenge so radical to their culture I am asked to leave. this is ok too? I am just me … but now Ohana, I think some of you may be with me? or I join with you and align with you, and together we continue to build other places … so that the danger and terror is lessened.
Note: I really am not sure when this letter will be finished either, so sorry. Another cup of tea? or just leave me here … we can talk of your things when we meet/connect again … you see, I did see quite a few other sights in Roma!
Fitting in … the world out there, our culture, our others …
Gratuitous picture of food … in my most memorable open space session led by Rudy, we discussed care as an antidote to fear … and we shared deeply our journeys of personal transformation. We joked, that we may be over the lightness of facebook … so here it is
the flavor?
oozing richness, mixed textures, confusing temperatures, comforting, surprising, delicious
Complicated thinking and saying has stopped me saying anything … in another open space Mattia patiently explains to me that the complicated thinking of his education has not prepared him for an adaptive, complex world. And yet we have created complicated and modernistic worlds too … and making meaning is relational (isn’t it, do you think so?) so we can use our awareness of complicated being to make meaning, and draw people in and connect, embrace this complication … I helped make it too.
And thank you … yes, Mattia me too, so unprepared, we need new ways to speak about all this … new words … new emotions … like how feeling fragmented is a day to day event for me … not a pathologic issue I need to worry about, just the way it is for me, and has always been, I am not just me I am so many mes (the plural of me … whaaaat? we don’t have this, how come, english you fail me) contradictory, powerful, small, weak, bizarre and so incomplete …
Sorry for when my words lose you, Ohana, … we hardly know each other and my thirst to be seen and held, leaps me into deep and dangerous territory. I challenge some fundamentals … the beauty of the gestalt that the whole is greater than the sum of my parts … yes, AND what about the richness of all my parts, gloriously fractalling. Many of us found that working across our language divide was nothing compared to the limits of our own language divide … let’s make it up, Ohana, it’s ours to create.
Oooh can we create a folly?
This exhibition is beautiful for so many reasons. I feel a bit behind the times that I have not stumbled across Liu Bolin before … and who knows perhaps I will find the book I bought last time I saw his exhibition (oh the pressure to curate my own life and live it!). For us Ohana, I think paradox is our greatest blessing.
I don’t think you can imagine how long it took me to find a way to get the photo of the water scales to be balanced, in the end I closed my eyes … et voila …
My desire for freedom pretty much outstrips all other values I hold. I feel often judged and amazed that people examine my behaviour … with me, in front of me as if I am not there. Whether I wear clothes or not (!) I have at many times dared to trade off fitting in for being free … I am ready to balance this back to belong with you Ohana. With my eyes closed it may be possible … leap, don’t look …
I want to fit in … I do … I think!
vibrant, sparkling, weeping …
How can it be plain sailing, at the boundaries …
The value of the beliefs that we are animals and pre-programmed perplexes me so much; these statements are like little red flags to the bull inside me … how do they help me now in a world in which me being able to change, grow, develop and hold a constructed view of the world allows me to connect and not compete with and diminish others; I have evolved so much in my own life time. There now, Ohana, I probably have lost you, and you can see the glaring gaps in my understanding and thinking. Look up! the moon! she is constant and still with us, come back to me, we can share that at least?
In a complex and adaptive mode I think of need and choice not being pre-programmed and primal
I recall the times when we were aware our internal boundaries were being changed, when our hearts hurt and our heads shook and we put down our book and let the boundary shift and we continued in a different way (and perhaps remembered to drink less coffee!)
Waking up and stretching in the morning … not because it makes the day more efficient … but because it feels good in that moment
My desire for revolution … is also tempered with patterns that I have not changed …
I am also desperate to let’s just fix this … over the next 20 years — make what we have work … all of us on the planet to be at a baseline of health, education and care … is this the revolution?
And yet I do want to judge myself and us for leaning into efficiency and setting up inquiries that are bound by the non-adaptive … not being prepared to talk about what we are talking about … Stelio perhaps I heard you dare to say something of this at times?
Throughout our revolution … how vigorous (psychoanalysis uses the word aggression but this is not quite how it is for me) will our conversation and shared meaning making become?
To be held by the precious gift of facilitation. And to know when you are in the hands of an expert … to hold a group process … waiting, with deep listening. Emanuele thank you … for sure you worked so hard for us … (if you think it was easyish … then I suspect this is one of your geniuses)
ecosystems!!! my most favorite OD project ever … I have more to say … but it will take time
Ohana, my mixed tape for you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv2GgV34qIg&list=PLXpZLPJTzRpQQ0sdtPjiKzdx2z488IWLQ
Peace piece — Bill Evans
1979 — The Smashing Pumpkins
i’ll take care of you — jamie xx and gil scott-heron
love you — free design
Take me away — 4 strings
Karmacoma — massive attack
Little person — Synecdoche
Bear Hug — The 2 bears
I promise I tried to make this an accessible play list for all. I settled on youtube (but as you know so well, it is a lie, the internet is not yet an open place for all of us …)
And if one of you groovy, gorgeous web enabled people know a better tool I should have used … please teach me … I will use it and re-send
Love,
This is how I see things and love you today Ohana, and of course it may change tomorrow, who knows what will emerge …
I have no idea which event I was at when I look at the photos and tweets of others’ journeys … a summary is here: https://storify.com/Faust2611/ohana-meetup…
I need to be there again and with a different me … the one who is bold to go into the sessions I did not choose! I dream of a future in which I participate in a multi-streamed/channeled reality and I will not be bound by time! I am hungry for our connections, Ohana …
Let’s dare to say we are this revolution part of something and creating it. Let it be said about us that we “shared a feeling they were contributing to a period of enormous political, social and intellectual change” and let’s ensure we add “and an emotional shift” … let’s make our feelings primary and transparent, can you dare to?
Have I loved you too deeply, too quickly? Are you laughing at my innocence (I know so little and reveal this in every phrase) and the terror of the unseen you (if only I knew), oh, I know. I am here in this world too! Have I annoyed you because this is your letter to write? and you will; … I waited as long as I could … and already I have fear … what will you think of us!
Do I really need a reason or justification to write to you? did I get this so wrong? most likely, and I love you, Ohana, that is enough.
I breathe, I feel, I am here
Justine Smith
For the professional connection: https://www.linkedin.com/in/justine-smith-24068b2/
For the bird in me: @1justinesmith
For real time contact (yes, it may be very unpredictable!): 07967 804990
For planned catch ups (listening can be one of my super powers): skype jussmith2; appearin
For what it is worth, I am just starting to play at using the internet again too … http://www.consultingyoultd.com
Of course it’s very possible you will just get mes on whatever channel
PS can you imagine how difficult it is to write for a design community? but it is ok I have seen your tongues …
PPS if not redundancy in a love letter then where?
