The Journey
It’s never too late to put yourself out there
When I decided to write something which would tell about me, I thought my personal experience, in life and work, could be useful to anyone who felt the same way as I did. Some weeks later, I realized I really had to write it and that idea didn’t seem so smart anymore! Basically, I’m shy and reserved and baring my life and soul doesn’t appeal to me at all. It took me five months to make up my mind but, finally, here I am!
I have spent much of my life trying to please others, no matter whether it was my family, my teachers, my friends or my boyfriend at the time. Being a perfect version of myself, socially compliant with what the rest of my world was expected of me, has been my mission for years. Since I was a little girl, I was raised to fit precise roles: respectful daughter, straight-A student, judicious elder sister. Hidden between the folds of a life which didn’t correspond to myself was the real me, a time bomb ready to explode at the first opportunity, even if, apart from some little acts of rebellion, I had always played my role in the best of ways up to adulthood.
Sooner or later something had to happen and, at the end, it did. More or less half a year ago, I ended a very intense phase of my personal and professional life and, in August 2017, I discovered that I had enough free time to make a balance between what I was and what I would like to be. “Where am I? Where do I want to go in the near future?” I was asking myself these question all the time. After many years in which I had always put others’ expectations before mine, trying to understand in what way I would like to direct myself seemed impossible.
I was feeling lost, unable to focus on what I would like, even my own skills. I had to start over but I had no idea how to do it and, worst of all, I felt too old for such a big change. I remember clearly the feeling of powerlessness of those last summer days and, at the same time, the fear of staying imprisoned in a dull and banal existence. This phase could have lasted for months or maybe more but I was lucky. In September, while talking to two good friends, I explained my situation and they suggested trying a tool for the lean reputation development. As I needed a starting point, I welcomed their idea enthusiastically. I still didn’t realize that the decision taken while we were having a drink in front of the sea would be one of the best of my life, but, starting on this path gave me all at once something hard to work on, a new focus or better a new direction.
It’s been one year since I started my adventure with C., who has been my guide, my mentor, my best supporter in my evolution towards a new version of “me”. Of course, It hasn’t been a piece of cake: giving birth to a brand new me has been an intense and often stressful experience but I’m proud of it all. Now, what I am is perfectly aligned with what I do and the feeling of lightness and wholeness that comes out is incomparable. During these months I’ve travelled for my job much more than I did before, I’ve met new people, I’ve moved house, I’ve dealt with new challenges, I’ve accepted my mistakes as a part of developing and improving, I’ve learned a lot as an individual and as a professional. I’ve understood too, as a friend had suggested to me, that I’ve got to “dance” with my fears to overcome them, that balance and calm are within me and not external to me, that my limits are just those fixed by my own will. I’ve accepted I will never be perfect and discovered that being myself is much better.
Change is always possible, there isn’t a precise moment, an ideal age, you’re never too old or ready as you would like to be. It is an act of courage, you just have to want it and be ready to live it adventurously, because for each thing you let go, you will encounter a thousand other during your way. Of course, it can be scary but, at the same time, change offers the pleasure to discover unexpected parts of yourself, opening the doors to new opportunities and exciting challenges. Change is like coming into the world once more, with new eyes to look at it.
For me this is just the beginning, I think I’ll will be reborn again and again because my evolution, like everyone else, is never-ending. I don’t know where my path will lead me, I still have such a long way, but today doesn’t matter anymore. For the moment, I’m just enjoying the journey.
