Dear Santa: I researched 54 connected products for Mozilla’s holiday buyer’s guide. Here’s what I hope you’ll bring me
Dear Santa,
I’ve been (mostly) very very good this year. I’d like to point out it’s been a hard year to be (mostly) very very good. The times I’ve not told someone off on Facebook alone should earn me a spot high on your Nice List.
Now Santa, let’s get down to business. I spent a lot of time researching 54 connected toys and gifts for Mozilla’s *Privacy Not Included holiday buyer’s guide. I’ll bet you’re seeing a lot more connected toys and gifts on people’s wish lists this year. They’re fun and cool. They could also spy on people and track people and do things people never even thought about with the data they collect. To be honest Santa, you’re the only one I want to spy on me.
After researching all these products, here’s what I hope you’ll put under my tree this year. And Santa, I hope everyone will take a moment to consider the privacy and safety of the gifts they ask for this holiday season, just like I did.
Edwin the Duck
What!?! A connected rubber duckie! Say no more. Ok, say more. It lights up, plays lullabies, and makes bath time even more AWESOME! Pretty please Santa, may I have this? My rubber duckie collection is missing Edwin. Sure, it could track my location. Good thing my bath tub never moves. And if an advertiser wants to know when I’m taking a bath, well, I can tell you right now, I live in the bathtub.
Hiku
I absolutely hate grocery shopping. Hate it! Anything that will make my trip to the grocery story a little easier is automatically going on my wish list to you Santa. This little button hangs out in the kitchen and when you need something you just say it to the button and *POOF*, it magically appears in your shopping list app. That’s not even the best part. The best part is you can organize the shopping list based on the way you walk the aisles of your grocery store. I will save so many trips back and forth across the store picking up things I forgot. So what if the app uses my camera, microphone, and tracks my location. I value privacy, sure, but when it comes to making grocery shopping easier, all bets are off.
Petcube Bites
Santa, you know I love my furry family just as much as your love your reindeer. I hate it when I have to leave them alone. This little gadget could help us all out. It’s an HD pet camera that would let me see and talk to my pups and kitty and let them see and talk to me. The best part is, it would also let me fling treats at them when I’m away from home so I can remind them they are super good doggos. That’s worth giving up a little bit of privacy, I think (I can just unplug it when I’m home, easy peasy). Please, oh please, bring us all this for the holidays!
Tile
As mentioned above Santa, I love my two pups — Husker and Beulah — very very much. I have them chipped and they wear tags on their collar, but I still worry they could get lost on a hike in the woods where I live. I’d love to have a couple of these little Tiles to put on their collars. Then, just in case, I could whip out my phone and track their location. It’s a little creepy, but nothing could be worse than losing my best friends.
Nanoleaf Aurora
Ok, this isn’t really for me Santa. This is for my younger self. I would have loved these customizable Wi-FI connected lights when I got my first apartment. Just think how impressed would my first girlfriend have been by the sexy light show I made for her. (She probably would not have been very impressed, but hey, let me enjoy the moment here.)
Santa, you could even get some of these for your workshop! I’ll bet your elves would love an amazing customized light show set to Christmas carols. I’m not sure why the app that controls these lights needs to use a camera though. That’s a little weird.
Nest Protect
Santa, I have a confession. I hate smoke detectors. I’m also pretty sure I would hate dying in a fire. So I have smoke detectors in my house. When they go off because I burned the popcorn or the batteries are running low, I want to rip them out of the ceiling and throw them in the trash. But a smoke detector that tells me which one is going off and lets me turn it off from my phone? YES PLEASE! It does use a camera, microphone, and tracks my location, which are weird things for a smoke detector to do. I’ve been scarred by that random chirp in the middle of the night though, so privacy be damned!
Flic
I’m not sure why I want this Santa, but I do. Perhaps it’s the really funny video the company made to promote it. Perhaps it’s the idea that I could program it so that when I push the little button, my best friend get’s rickrolled by text. The privacy level seems pretty awful, but Santa, it looks like so much fun! On second thought Santa, the privacy stuff does look kinda concerning, maybe skip this one, OK.
Nintendo Switch
I already have a Playstation, Santa. But you already knew that because you brought it to me a couple of years ago (thanks for that!). It’s better now too that it has that weird thing called two-factor authentication so I don’t get my account hacked.
I don’t really need a Nintendo Switch. But I want one! They are so cool. Plus Mario! Plus, they take privacy and parental controls seriously, which puts them at the top of the the Nice List.
Google Home/Amazon Alexa
Santa, I was thinking of asking for one of those home hubs like the Amazon Alexa and the Google Home. They’re a bit creepy, but I’m curious. Then I got a Google Home Mini free when I bought a new phone. This pretty much sums up me and it.
One last thing before I go Santa. There are some connected products I just don’t get. So, if I somehow I fall onto the Naughty List before Christmas this year, please bring me coal instead of these.
A thermostat that reads the news. That’s weird.
A wearable device that monitors my breathing and send me phone notifications when i’m stressed out. Sounds stressful.
A connected toothbrush. Too far world, too far.
Hello Barbie. Just don’t trust it.
Thank you Santa! And thank you Santa’s Elves! And thank you Rudolph and all the reindeer. And thank you too Ms. Claus! I hope the weather holds out for you this year as you deliver your gifts all around the world.
Happy Holidays!
Jen, who has been (mostly) very very good this year
PS. The cookies will be under the tree. Chocolate chip, just like always.
