Giving Advice
Why people find it so hard to accept your good advice
Everyone has a story. Every single person was born, grew up, and lives a life. Along the way, each person will have unique experiences that give a unique perspective on the world we share.
You’re the person with the best idea.
You just know what you’re telling this other person is right. They lived an entirely different life, but you know what’s best.
They just won’t listen.
You might be right. Chances are, if you’re giving advice to someone that advice is based upon your knowledge of the situation. While the circumstances might be new and fresh to your friend, it’s something you’ve already been through, start to finish.
You know how to start that small business and make it run well. You know how to make a living with writing (call me). You know how to manage finances, tame bees, and send squirrels on diplomatic missions to Mars. You know what you’re talking about.
You’re a friend.
Friends aren’t an authority figure. When we are children, we learn and develop habits of listening to authority figures. We learn that the authority figures are the people towering above us, looking down on us, smiling, scowling, hugging, scolding, cherishing, and loving.
Our friends are small like us.
As we grow, we still see the authority figures, but they are not our friends. Our friends grow to be doctors, lawyers, microbiologists, plumbers, ditch diggers, coroners, chiropodists, security guards, cashiers, and way too many jobs to list. But, we don’t see them as the profession. We see them as the friend.
When our friends hold those positions or have those qualifications, we discount them in that capacity. While the friend would be perfectly capable of helping us in a situation they know about, we were raised to see their familiarity as a boundary to their expertise.
The next time a friend gives you advice, pretend the advice is coming from someone who holds authority. You might be surprised at just how good friendly advice can be.
Then maybe your friend will start taking your good advice, too.

