Journey of Emotions: Unmasking the Self
In many ways, I’ve felt trapped in my life. It’s as if I’m constantly running from something, never towards anything. I kept searching for something to run towards, but I found myself continually looking back. I was scared.
Certain things had happened. I had a tough past, and all that. I tried to downplay it, but I don’t think that approach works for me.
“Other people do,” I thought.
I figured out why a lot of people are so miserable — they fail to see themselves. What do I mean by this? People are constantly downplaying their experiences and forcing themselves to move on without taking a second to look back at all the baggage they’ve been carrying.
“Where does it all go?” I found myself asking this question a lot. I guess other people ask it too, except they’re not me, or others like me who were able to find comfortable answers for ourselves. Where does all that emotional baggage really go?
You were hurt. Dwelling on it doesn’t help. But you know what else doesn’t help? Acting like it never happened.
I’ve ended up in situations where I share disturbing things with people who I expect to be there for me, and essentially they say things like, “It happened to the lot of us, get over yourself.”
Why can’t my pain be unique? Why can’t yours?
They say there’s nothing new under the sun, which to me means someday we’ll learn that it all means something. From every bump on a chair to how your loved ones reacted when you bumped into a chair (my dad would often say when someone bumped into a chair, “Are you blind?” We, the kids, would imagine saying the same thing to him when he bumped into a chair), to the very hair on your head or even what you liked eating as an infant. It all comes together to form, You!
Your problems don’t feel so small now, do they?
“But they shouldn’t feel too big either. Your problems can be big and small at the same time. What do I mean?”
I have a habit of “dying” when I’m extremely sad. I completely let go. As I get older and my responsibilities change, I cannot let go as completely as I would in the past. It’s a serious waste of resources. My “dying” technique often involves things like spending money (harshly), retiring from work and routines, retiring to a bed and the internet, and general mindlessness, etc.
But I do these things with a fundamental understanding that “I’m going through something.” There’s attention-seeking, which is a much harsher form of “dying,” but all in all, we’re just going through things.
There’s no manual to emotions, so it’s hard for people to fully understand them sometimes, so they just leave it be. There’s an element of ignorance to it, but you can’t blame them. But you can play your part in loving and teaching. It’s not easy, my fellow human. Your pain is unique, so is mine. Resonate with me, and let me resonate with you.
“The emotional energy that are souls.”
For the question, where does it all go?
Maybe it all goes nowhere.
Maybe everything’s on a journey, that’s always being traveled. The constant moving of things we can and cannot see, life, aka existence. Maybe we’re going somewhere, nowhere, and everywhere at the same time.
Thank you for reading !
