Living with Vitiligo.
Finding Strength and Beauty in a Changing Appearance
She sits by the window, gazing out at the bustling street below. The sun is setting, casting a golden hue over everything. She pulls her sleeves down, instinctively covering her hands.
It started a few years back, a tiny white spot that she dismissed. She covered it with makeup, convinced it would vanish. For two years, the spots came and went, a game of hide and seek she played with herself. Denial was easier than acceptance.
Then Covid hit. She caught the virus, and with it, her skin flared up in rebellion. The spots multiplied, mocking her attempts to ignore them. She couldn’t hide them anymore.
Once, she was complimented for her beauty. Now, she is asked about her appearance. The mirror becomes an enemy; she avoids its gaze.
But her loved ones, they try to reassure her. They tell her she is still beautiful, but she hears the pity in their voices. She craves genuine reassurance, someone to tell her she isn’t repulsive, that she doesn’t disgust them.
Acceptance becomes her only option. She stops the medication, weary of the side effects. There is no cure, just management. So, she learns to live with it.
Yet, society won’t let her forget. Strangers stare, children point, whispers follow her. She wonders if they pity her, or if they are angry at her difference. Do they find her revolting?
Every night, she prays. She wishes for the spots to be gone by morning, for it all to be a nightmare. Morning comes, and the spots remain. She looks in the mirror, repeating to herself that she is beautiful. She thinks of variegated leaves, flowers, and multi-coloured animals. This is nature, she tells herself. Nature is full of beautiful variations.
For a moment, she feels peace. Then, she steps outside and the cycle begins again. A stranger’s stare shatters her confidence, and she retreats into her shell. The cycle of praying, hoping, and facing disappointment continues.
She wonders if she will ever break free from this cycle. Will there come a day when she no longer feels the need to pray for a different reality? When she fully accepts herself, spots and all?
The question lingers and she clings to the small moments of self-acceptance, trying to believe that one day, they will be enough.
Thanks for reading. :)
If you know anyone suffering from this condition, please be kind. Vitiligo is stress-related; your stares and comments can remind them of their condition when they might otherwise forget it in the daily hum of life. It’s not painful, but it can be emotionally scarring. Thinking about it leads to stress, which can cause new spots.
