Trust is the foundation of society.
“All bonds are built on trust. Without trust you have nothing.”
Humans thrive on interdependence and trust, which has been the cornerstone in our survival and progress from the ancient caves to the modern world.
Trust is innate, however, as we grow and experience the complexities of life, our worldview and perceptions evolve, shaping our emotional spectrum and vulnerabilities.
And ironically, betrayal of trust is very common in our personal and professional lives.
Secrets, lies, betrayal, rejection, selfishness, greed, war, crime, and terrorism etc. undermine the foundation of trust and contribute to fostering mistrust towards fellow humans.
How mistrust affects you?
Some degree of mistrust can be beneficial in setting boundaries and protecting ourselves against exploitation and malevolence.
However, chronic mistrust can adversely affect your relationships, work performance and mental health.
1. Relationships: Not being able to trust people and their intentions can cause you to become:
- Suspicious and skeptical.
- Hostile towards others.
- Alone. Keeping to yourself and lacking intimate relationships.
- Jealous of your partners or their friends.
- Over protective and controlling.
- Paranoid and hyper vigilant.
- Spiteful and unable to forgive.
2. Work performance: Mistrust in the workplace and in your peers can foster:
- Envy & Competitiveness.
- Lack of cooperation.
- Lack of productivity.
- Lack of commitment to work.
- Lack of satisfaction.
3. Mental Health: Chronic mistrust severely impacts your own ability to think clearly and will lead to:
- Self doubt and self loathing.
- Seeking external validation.
- Needy and desperate behavior.
- Rumination and overthinking.
- Frustration and anger.
- Anxiety and depression.
What causes mistrust?
- Difficult childhood: Lack of parental care, neglect, abuse, bullying and abandonment can instill a sense of mistrust in children that is carried over in adulthood.
- Trauma: Physical or emotional trauma like an untimely death of a loved one, accident, disability or abuse makes it difficult to have faith in others.
- Past relationships: Betrayal, humiliation, secrecy, dishonesty, infidelity or not keeping promises in friendship or intimate relationships can render an individual incapable of trusting another human being for life.
- Lack of self trust, insecurities and low self esteem breeds mistrust in your relationships as you constantly question people’s intentions and loyalty towards yourself, a self proclaimed undeserving individual.
- Addiction: Substance abuse like alcohol, drugs and psychotic substances can alter your brain’s structure and emotional state to be that of a non-trusting individual.
- Mental health disorders: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), paranoia or psychosis are often associated with low trust threshold.
How to build trust?
Regardless of your past experiences or your genetic makeup, the decision to trust others comes down to choice.
Will you choose your past to interfere with your social well being? Or will you take actions to overcome the obstacle of mistrust and lead a happy and fulfilling life?
The goal of this article is to help you become an individual who trusts him/herself (which in turn will boost your trust in others) and who others can trust.
A. Trusting yourself and others.
- Identify and acknowledge: Recognising and accepting the behaviour patterns and underlying reasons that signify lack of trust can help you make an action plan to tackle the problem.
- Be vulnerable: As counter intuitive as it may sound, choosing to show your vulnerabilities, embracing the uncertainty, and laughing at your own flaws and mistakes can be liberating. It shows your confidence, strengthens relationships and can get you opportunities that you may not have if you doubt everyone you meet.
- Set healthy boundaries: This will convey clear expectations, acceptable behaviour and personal limits, and will serve to protect your self interests against people who have violated your trust in the past. Because, let’s face it, some people will always lie and cheat.
- Practice self compassion: Accept yourself for who you are, set self improvement goals, work on your strengths, eliminate your weaknesses, deal with your insecurities. Learn to love and trust yourself, so you can trust others and others can trust you.
- Take emotional risks: Start small. Talk to people, make new friends, indulge in social gatherings, join social groups, let go of your fear of judgement, be yourself. Eventually you will be able to seek deeper and intimate relationships and share your secrets and fears.
- Therapy: Talking to a counsellor or therapist can be beneficial if you are struggling with mental health issues or addiction or you have no one to talk to.
- Have patience: Building trust takes time and persistence. More so if you had a hurtful experience in the past. Use small measurable steps to start making progress. Talk to a therapist if you need to. Just don’t stop trying. Keep at it.
B. Gaining other people’s trust.
- Honest communication: Be transparent and honest about your thoughts and feelings. Share your concerns and fears. Don’t lie or deceive.
- Be Reliable: Keep your promises, honor your commitments, fulfill your responsibilities and be accountable for your mistakes.
- Coherent words and actions: Do what you say.
- Listen and empathize: Be a patient and attentive listener if you want others to trust you. And listen like you mean it. Try to relate and empathize with what the other person is trying to say.
- Respect everyone: Even if you have different opinions.
Conclusion:
Trust remains a crucial element in our individual and collective journeys. It has enabled us to build civilizations and make technological advancements that propelled us to the pinnacle.
It is a trait that allows us to build meaningful relationships in our personal and professional lives.
Despite the multitude of factors fostering mistrust, trusting each other is how we prosper as species and as individuals.
It is not easy, but I hope you find the strength to have faith in humankind.
Take care.
