What I Learned by Facing My Childhood

Healing from the Pain, anger, and Regrets.

For most of my life, I tried to outrun my past.

Growing up with a single, paraplegic mother who struggled with alcohol and substance abuse, my childhood was a maze of pain, loneliness, and overwhelming responsibility.

From an early age, I found myself in the role of caregiver, even as I was in desperate need of care myself. My mother’s condition and addictions left me no room for a normal childhood.

Instead, I was thrust into a world where abuse was common, and the weight of her needs fell squarely on my small shoulders.

A Childhood Lost

As a child, I longed for the simplicity that others took for granted — playing with friends, having a safe space to grow, and being cared for rather than being the caregiver. But instead, I became well-acquainted with abuse and neglect.

My mother’s dependence on substances turned her into a person I didn’t recognize, someone who was as much a source of pain as she was a source of love.

The constant cycle of caring for her and enduring her outbursts left me isolated and filled with an anger that only grew with time.

By the time I reached adolescence, that anger and resentment had become a permanent part of me.

I was furious that my life was anything but normal, and that rage manifested in impulsive…