Credit Scores and Compatibility: First Date Dealbreaker?
Financial Discussions Early in Dating
Modern dating can be a tricky terrain, and sometimes, the topics that come up can make or break a potential relationship. When finances and credit scores are brought up on a first date, opinions can vary greatly. Let’s dive into a recent discussion about this topic and see what daters had to say.
The Original Poster’s Experience
A 44-year-old woman, the OP — True_Rover, shared her first date experience with a 46-year-old man she met on a dating app. Here’s her story:
“I (44f) went on a first date with a guy (46) I met on a dating app a month prior. First, he seemed disappointed that I wasn’t as “big” as I looked on my profile. I’m 5'3, weighed 200 lbs, and I’ve lost 15 lbs since my profile pics. He mentioned it 3 times! Then he started talking about credit score, how much student loans I have since I’m “educated” (I got my BS in healthcare administration at 43); he said he’d like us to live together but he must make sure I won’t “drag him down” with loans and low credit score. I didn’t tell him what my score is, nor did I say how much student loans I have (I don’t, I took and paid for my courses one at a time; it took 7 years!). He said 2 of 3 women he recently dated, moved in with him. He discovered one was on welfare after she moved in and the other didn’t help with bills. I felt like he was interviewing for a roommate with benefits. I understand credit scores and finance are important, but on a first date?? This was a turn off for me. I’d like your view on this.”
Too Much, Too Soon
Many responders felt that bringing up finances and credit scores on a first date was inappropriate and a red flag. They emphasized the importance of getting to know someone before diving into such personal topics.
Running far away several contributors advised the OP to distance herself from this man, seeing his actions as immediate dealbreakers.
“Run. Far and fast. This is way too much on a first date.” — Similar_Reference20
“Uhhh block this guy.” — accord_toame
Many felt that his insistence on discussing weight and finances so early showed a lack of sensitivity and respect.
Red flags all over, the repeated comments about the OP’s weight and the financial interrogation were major turn-offs for many.
“Major 🚩🚩🚩🚩 going on with this guy.” — Veggie -Love
“Lol, beat me to it. Sis! GTFO, for real. Just…the reddest of flags.” —
The general consensus was clear, these were not normal first date topics and indicated potential controlling or exploitative behavior.
The Other Side: Precaution or Paranoia?
Some contributors took a more balanced view, suggesting that while the timing was off, the man’s concerns about finances might stem from past negative experiences.
Vinter_Glass participant pointed out that after getting burned by previous partners, the man might have been overly cautious.
“If you start seeing a pattern of getting burned by mooches or cheaters or addicts or assholes its pretty natural to want to clear that shit out right up front.”- cloud_Mime9
Others agreed that financial compatibility is important but should be discussed later in the relationship.
“I do think there is a time and place for discussion of finances and credit scores, but a first date isn’t it.” — Lola_Floral
These daters acknowledged the validity of financial concerns but emphasized the need for tact and appropriate timing.
The Importance of Respect
A recurring theme was the importance of mutual respect and proper dating etiquette. Many felt the man’s behavior showed a lack of basic respect and understanding.
Inappropriate Comments The man’s repeated comments about the OP’s weight were particularly troubling for many responders.
“He body shamed you, even if it was in the reverse of how it’s typically done. Would you want to be with someone who, three times, said you weren’t as large a size as he likes?” — BeginningForNow
Deserving Better The general sentiment was that the OP deserved someone who respected her and didn’t reduce her to a financial liability or physical appearance.
“He’s complaining and projecting others ‘faults’ on you before he has any clue about who you are. That’s only going to get worse!” —yellowbirdy
Takeaway
Dating can be complicated, especially when sensitive topics like finances are introduced too early. Here’s what we’re taking away:
- Respect First: Ensure your date treats you with respect and doesn’t jump into overly personal topics immediately.
- Appropriate Timing: Discussions about finances are crucial but should be reserved for a later stage in the relationship.
- Red Flags Matter: Pay attention to early warning signs like body shaming or financial probing.
- Communication Advice: Open the dialogue with your partner about sensitive topics thoughtfully.
Tips to Start the Conversation
Here are three ways to open the dialogue with your partner:
- Acknowledge Their Feelings: “I understand finances are important, but I think it’s best we get to know each other a bit more first.”
- Propose Balanced Efforts: “Let’s discuss our views on finances when we’re more comfortable with each other. It’s important we both feel respected.”
- Recognize Limits: “Everyone has their boundaries. Let’s take our time and talk about serious topics when the time feels right.”
Happy Dating!
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