How Many Rain Checks Before You Say No More?
When Rescheduled Dates Become a Pattern
Getting back into the dating scene can be challenging, especially when it comes to navigating cancellations and managing expectations. A recent discussion explored how many times you should accept rescheduled dates before deciding to move on. Let’s dive into the conversation.
Original Poster’s Dilemma
The original poster chronic_dater (OP) shared her recent dating experience with a man she met online. After chatting regularly, they planned to meet in person. However, when the time came, he canceled last minute due to work. Now, the OP is trying to figure out how many chances to give before moving on. Here’s what she wrote:
“Hi everyone, thanks for reading! I am just getting back into dating. I met this guy, K, on an OLD app. We’ve been chatting every day. Last Sunday, he wanted to meet up and see how we vibe IRL. He works split shifts on Sunday. He was supposed to get off at 2, come pick me up & us do something, him bring me home and he go back to work. Well, at like 12–1 last Sunday, I get a text from K, saying that his relief called in so he has to stay at work.
Okay, I understand things happen. But that’s his freebie. I’m not gonna make someone choose between me and their career, but at the same time, I’m not gonna sit here and whither away until he gives me attention. I deserve to be with someone who makes time for me, who wants to be with me. K wants to get together this weekend, probably Sunday if it happens. I’m not getting excited or my hopes up until he pulls into my driveway. So how many times can someone reschedule before you’re done?”
Safety Concerns: Prioritizing Personal Safety
One of the key points raised by other daters was the importance of personal safety, especially in early dating stages when meeting someone from an online platform. They reminded OP to be cautious about sharing personal information, such as her home address, too soon.
“Just be careful giving out your home address to people you meet in OLD,” Smooth_Edge_ 1969 warned.
Sift54 agreed: “For god’s sake, don’t give a stranger your home address. Jesus.”
The lesson here is clear: it’s always best to prioritize safety by meeting in public places until you’re more comfortable with someone.
Managing Expectations: Assessing His Effort
Some daters thought the OP might be jumping to conclusions too soon. They acknowledged that her date made an effort by planning to meet right after his shift, which could indicate his willingness to make time for her, despite his busy schedule.
“You might be jumping to conclusions a bit early. Think about this…he was scheduling to meet you AFTER his shift. I’d count that as trying to make time,” said Wick_Out.
Wick_Out added, “Does his schedule fit your expectations? Like if he has a busy work schedule, you’re gonna need to ask yourself if you’re okay with that.”
The general advice here is to reflect on whether your potential partner’s schedule and level of effort align with your expectations and needs.
Personal Boundaries: Setting Limits
Many contributors shared their own boundaries regarding cancellations. Most agreed that while one or two reschedules are acceptable, a pattern of frequent cancellations could indicate a lack of interest or commitment.
“My rule was two,” Nosey_Posey stated.
Proud_Participant echoed, “Just the one time. If they can’t make the second one, we don’t need to go out.”
This section highlights the importance of having personal limits and sticking to them. If frequent rescheduling becomes a pattern, it might be a sign to move on before disappointment sets in.
Individual Circumstances: Evaluating on a Case-by-Case Basis
Some daters offered a more flexible perspective, suggesting that cancellations should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. While life can be unpredictable, repeated cancellations without genuine attempts to reschedule can signal a deeper issue.
“In the early phases of dating, 1 rain check is acceptable if the other party reschedules. But patterns are something I pay attention to, and keeping your word is sacrosanct,” shared Poppa_Smurf.
Swinger27 advised, “Maybe give a bit of leeway, as long as someone is communicating. The other person has just as much reason to prioritize like 17 things over a meet-up.”
These responses reflect that while some flexibility is important, recognizing patterns and trusting your instincts is crucial. Each situation should be assessed individually, but repeated behavior could signal a lack of seriousness.
Takeaway
Rescheduled dates can become a frustration in the early stages of dating, but setting clear boundaries and recognizing patterns helps manage expectations and avoid unnecessary disappointment.
Here’s what we’re taking away:
- Safety First: Always prioritize safety and meet in public places until you know someone well.
- Evaluate Effort: Reflect on whether the person’s schedule and effort align with your expectations and needs.
- Set Limits: Establish and adhere to your personal limits for cancellations to avoid unnecessary disappointment.
- Trust Your Gut: Balance flexibility with attentiveness to patterns and trust your instincts.
Tips to Start the Conversation
Here are three ways to open the dialogue with your partner:
- Acknowledge Their Schedule: “I understand you have a busy schedule, but I need to feel prioritized too. Can we find a time that works for both of us?”
- Express Your Needs: “I appreciate your efforts, but frequent cancellations make me feel undervalued. Can we discuss how to manage this better?”
- Suggest Alternatives: “If your schedule is unpredictable, maybe we can plan something more flexible. How about meeting for coffee near your work?”
Happy Dating!
