Is It Time to Give Up on Dating at 47?
Exploring the Challenges of Dating Later in Life
The Original Poster Date_Overload01 (OP), a 47-year-old single dad, is feeling frustrated with dating. He’s tried the apps and isn’t into the bar scene, and despite encouragement from his teenage daughters, he feels burnt out. OP wonders if it’s worth continuing to look for a partner at this point in life, especially as depression has been a constant factor. He shared his thoughts:
“I’m just about done with it all. Apps are useless, and I don’t do the bar thing. I’m a single dad of two teen girls. They constantly tell me to try, but it’s just not working or worth it. Depression is a factor but it’s no different than most of my life. I’m just burnt out on trying. I’ve been used as a free meal more times than I care to admit. I’ve got a good job, and I’m comfortable. At 47, do I really need a partner for the rest of what’s left?”
Here is the advice advice from others on how to approach dating burnout and whether it’s time to stop trying or change perspective.
Focus on Mental Health First
Several people suggested addressing the OP’s depression as a key first step before continuing to date. They noted that mental health challenges could make dating feel more exhausting and discouraging.
Very_Anxious72's comment emphasized the importance of being in a good place emotionally before jumping into the dating pool:
“You don’t need a partner. And if you’re going on dates feeling like you’re resentful, burnt out, or depressed, then these women will pick up on this attitude. Which, when they decline a subsequent date, only deepens these feelings.”
Blast_Master_321 shared how working on their mental health changed their perspective on dating:
“You are looking at everything through the fog of depression, so nothing is going to seem right… Trying new things, going new places, not being afraid to fail. Depression hates movement of any kind. The answer is to MOVE.”
The key takeaway here was that addressing depression can provide clarity and energy, whether or not OP continues to seek a romantic partner.
Adjusting Expectations About Dating
Some contributors believed that OP’s frustration may be tied to unrealistic expectations of dating or focusing too much on negative outcomes. Instead, they recommended adjusting his approach.
PaleontologyFro699 comment highlighted the importance of not feeling pressured to find a partner:
“No, you don’t need a partner. No one does.”
Banana-Boat-444 suggested that viewing a partner as “icing on the cake” instead of a need could help OP enjoy the dating process more. As one person put it:
“A partner should be the icing on the cake; the cake is what you make it.”
Reframing expectations to focus less on finding a life partner and more on enjoying interactions or shared moments could ease some of OP’s frustration.
Take a Break and Reassess
Several people also encouraged OP to step back from dating to reset and gain perspective. By pausing, OP could focus on self-care, family, and personal fulfillment before re-entering the dating scene.
Little_Imp01 advised:
“It sounds like a break might be a good idea. The ‘free meal’ resentment and the depression are both issues that may show through when you’re on dates and hurt your chances with any potential relationships.”
Lover-Of-Food had faced similar burnout shared their own strategy:
“I’ve low-key kinda decided to lay low until my teenage daughters leave the nest, and then I’ll evaluate. Sure, at some points, I feel a ping of want and go on Tinder again, but a date or two quickly cures that.”
Taking time away from dating could give OP the space to focus on what truly matters to him, without the added pressure of romantic expectations.
Redefine First Dates
One recurring theme in the thread was the frustration OP felt with women using him for “free meals.” Multiple people suggested that OP rethink how he approaches first dates, choosing simpler or lower-stakes activities.
For example, See_Horse01 explained their approach:
“Most people can afford to pay for their own meals… Meet for coffee first. Or bubble tea. Then decide if you want to go further.”
Tea-For-Me shared their own favorite first date activity:
“I like going to the park for walks myself. They’re free, and it’s nice scenery and active. It’s just nice.”
By choosing casual, inexpensive first dates, OP could avoid feeling like he’s being taken advantage of and instead focus on getting to know someone.
Takeaway
Dating at 47 can be tough, especially when dealing with burnout or mental health challenges. The advice offered to OP encouraged self-reflection, emotional wellness, and adjusting expectations.
Here’s what we’re taking away:
- Focus on mental health: Depression can cloud judgment; address it before pursuing relationships.
- Set realistic expectations: A partner can enhance your life, but it’s important not to view dating as a necessity.
- Take a break if needed: Pausing dating can help reset and focus on personal growth.
- Try casual first dates: Keep first meetings low-key to avoid frustration and focus on connection.
Tips to Start the Conversation
Here are three ways to open the dialogue with your partner:
- Acknowledge your feelings: “I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out with dating lately. I want to take a step back and focus on myself for now.”
- Propose a new approach: “I think I’d prefer doing something low-key like a walk or coffee for first dates instead of dinner.”
- Discuss expectations openly: “I’m not sure if I need a long-term partner right now. I’d like to enjoy getting to know people without any pressure.”
Happy Dating!
