What You See In Your Profile Isn’t Always What Others See

How to Be Yourself and Get Noticed Online

DateSmart40
Dating Advice from DateSmart40
4 min readSep 14, 2024

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A person swiping through dating profiles on a phone, with different personalities appearing in the profile pictures.
(AUTHOR DALL E3)

The world of online dating can be challenging. While most of us try to present the best version of ourselves, it’s not always clear how others perceive us. A recent study shows that we often miss the mark in online profiles, leading to misunderstandings and missed connections. Let’s dive into some insights from daters and experts on how to ensure your online profile reflects the real you.

Original Post: Understanding Online Dating Frustrations

Many daters have experienced the frustration of putting themselves out there, only to feel misunderstood or ignored. The original poster (OP) shared a common concern among daters:

We’ve all been there, right? You’re swiping left and right, trying to find that perfect match, but somehow, things just aren’t clicking…You’re putting yourself out there, trying to showcase your best self, but it seems like no one gets it.

The OP touches on the heart of the issue: even when we try to be authentic, our message can get lost in translation. This is especially true when trying to convey personality through pictures and short bios.

Profiles Can Be Misleading — Even Without Meaning To

Misinterpretation is common in online dating, where profile pictures and brief bios may not accurately convey the real person behind the screen. Daters shared stories of how they were misunderstood by potential matches. One dater explained:

“Sarah, a vibrant and outgoing woman, is constantly misunderstood online. Her attempts to showcase her zest for life sometimes come off as too intense, scaring potential matches away.”

Another dater faced a similar issue:

“David, a kind-hearted soul who struggles to express his gentle nature through text. His messages often seem too formal, giving off a distant vibe.”

Both stories illustrate a frequent problem: despite best efforts to be authentic, profiles can inadvertently create impressions that don’t match the daters’ true selves. For many, it feels like they’re trying to read a book with missing pages — somehow, the full picture isn’t coming across.

The Role of Feedback in Improving Your Profile

Experts suggest that getting feedback from others can help you understand how your profile is perceived. This doesn’t mean creating a false image but rather tweaking how you present yourself to better align with how you want to be seen. One dating researcher suggested:

“The researchers believe it’s all about feedback. They’re talking about systems that help you understand how others perceive your profile.”

This sentiment was echoed by other daters who agreed that input from trusted friends or family could be a game-changer. It’s not about trying to be someone else, but ensuring the ‘real you’ shines through in your profile.

Self-Reflection: A Path to a Better Profile

Another way to improve how you’re perceived online is through self-reflection. Ask yourself some key questions to ensure your profile truly represents you. Some helpful questions include:

  • “Does my profile picture represent me well?”
  • “Are the details in my profile true to who I am?”
  • “Does my bio convey my personality accurately?”
  • “Am I showcasing a variety of interests and hobbies in my pictures and bio?”

These types of questions can help you spot any gaps between who you are and how you are presenting yourself online. After all, dating profiles are often the first impression, and it’s important that they reflect who you are authentically.

Takeaway

Understanding how others perceive your online profile can make all the difference when trying to make connections. With a little feedback and self-reflection, you can ensure that your profile better represents the real you. Here’s what we’re taking away:

  • Be Authentic but Clear: Focus on being yourself while making sure your message is clear and accurate.
  • Seek Feedback: Don’t hesitate to ask others for their input. An outsider’s perspective can help refine how you’re coming across.
  • Stay True to Yourself: Ensure your profile shows who you are and what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Tips to Start the Convo: Here are three ways to open the dialogue with your partner:

  • Ask for Input: “Can you take a look at my profile and tell me if it’s really showing who I am?”
  • Share Your Own Thoughts: “I’ve noticed I get misunderstood sometimes online. I’d love to hear your thoughts on why that might be.”
  • Propose Refining Together: “What if we worked together to help each other build better profiles that truly reflect us?”

Happy Dating!

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