What’s Wrong with Coffee?
Exploring the Dynamics of First Date Preferences
The world of online dating comes with its own set of challenges, from choosing the right match to deciding on the perfect first date spot. This discussion revolves around an experience shared by the original poster (OP)-FoolForYou about a seemingly simple suggestion that led to an unexpected reaction. Here’s how it unfolded and what the community had to say about it.
The Original Poster
The OP shared her experience of suggesting a coffee date after matching and chatting with a guy who initially proposed dinner. Here’s what she wrote:
“I matched and chatted with a guy, who suggested grabbing dinner. Great! But I typically prefer a more casual and low-key meet up, so I suggested getting coffee. He didn’t take it well. (I wanted to post a screen shot of the convo, but since I can’t, here it is):
Guy: Wanna grab dinner?
Me: How about meeting for coffee?
Guy: Be well
Me: What?
Guy: I just don’t do coffee… gives me anxiety
Me: (no time to respond before he messages again)
Guy: Call me a pussy don’t care
Am I missing something? Previous convos were pretty standard. I blocked and am moving on, but it just seemed bizarre to me.”
Responses to Original Post
The responses to OP’s post varied widely, reflecting different perspectives on first date expectations and etiquette. Many responders believed that coffee dates are often seen as low-effort and may signal a lack of interest in investing time or money.
Rowan0Zero commented, “I think he wanted to take her out, spend money, and expect sex. Or he wasn’t gonna be able to drink alcohol, have her drink alcohol, and then try to make a move.” CupcakeCheek added, “Oh if it’s the alcohol thing that’s a bullet dodged.”
For some, a coffee date might seem insufficiently serious, leading to disappointment or frustration. Coffee dates can sometimes be perceived as low effort, potentially causing misunderstandings about the level of interest or intent.
Understanding Personal Preferences
Another theme was the importance of respecting personal preferences and anxieties, especially when it comes to first date venues.
Leg_Up88 noted, “Does coffee give him anxiety? Well, he doesn’t have to drink coffee! He could get something else. Sounds like this guy is a huge douche though. The responses he gives are lame af.” JustShyOf39 pointed out, “Exactly. First, it’s bizarre to take ‘coffee’ in its very literal sense here when everyone knows it refers to a place and a type of activity, not the actual drink.”
The community highlighted that it’s not about the specific drink but the activity and setting that matters. It’s crucial to communicate and respect each other’s preferences and anxieties when planning a date to ensure mutual comfort.
Alternatives to Coffee Dates
Several users suggested alternative meeting spots that balance casualness with effort.
CupcakeCheek shared, “If I were still dating I would go to that, and I am lactose intolerant. Enzyme pills are a thing and ice cream is delicious.”
UsNchat58 added, “I mean, you’re on a dating app, people are going to suggest coffee. If you can’t drink coffee, get tea or cocoa.”
Alternatives like ice cream dates or walks in the park were proposed as viable options. There are many casual, yet thoughtful alternatives to coffee dates that can accommodate different preferences.
Red Flags and Aggressive Reactions
The OP’s encounter with aggressive responses from her match raised concerns about underlying issues.
LovelyBut45 remarked, “Him going straight to ‘call me a pussy’ is way aggressive. Sounds like people have made fun of him in the past about his anxiety issues and he got super defensive there. You dodged a bullet.”
Swaney47 echoed, “This guy sounds charming. Call me a ‘pussy’. So insulting women in your regular terminology is also normal to you, amazing.”
The aggressive reaction was seen as a potential red flag for deeper issues. Abrupt or aggressive reactions to simple suggestions can indicate deeper personal issues, which might be a red flag in potential relationships.
Takeaway
Preferences for first dates can be tricky, as simple suggestions might lead to unexpected reactions. Here’s what we’re taking away:
- Respect Personal Preferences: Acknowledge and respect each other’s likes and dislikes for a comfortable and enjoyable first date.
- Explore Alternatives: Consider various casual meeting spots that balance effort and comfort.
- Watch for Red Flags: Be mindful of aggressive or overly defensive reactions as they might signal deeper issues.
Tips to Start the Conversation
Here are three ways to open the dialogue with your partner:
- Express Openness: “I’m flexible about our first meeting place. Is there somewhere you’d feel comfortable and enjoy?”
- Suggest Casual Alternatives: “How about we meet for something light like a smoothie or a walk in the park?”
- Address Concerns Calmly: “If coffee makes you anxious, let’s find a spot we both like. What would work for you?”
Happy Dating!
