Six Important Things My Dog Has Taught Me
This is the story of how my dog, Joey Casper, filled up my heart.
When I was a young girl, I thought I wanted a very simple thing.
My two goals in life were: to be a mom, and a wife (don’t laugh please; I’m being honest here).
All I simply wanted was… to find a man (who qualifies in my opinion) for the deep love I’m so capable of giving, who’ll return it generously, and who’ll lavish me with quality time (my love language), attention (makes me wonder if I wasn’t busy at all?), and give me a future.
I gave myself a deadline. I had a goal to get married by the age of 25… when it came, I adjusted it to 27… then finally adjusted it to 30. ***crickets***
To make the long and winding story short, my self-imposed deadlines were useless.
I finally gave up on it one day when I decided that spinsterhood became a more desirable choice than experiencing another heartache.
And that my friends…
is the story of how I once chased love
in the past.
But this story is really all about my dog, Joey Casper.
And just like how much I chased a (real and good) relationship in my younger years, I also did chase becoming a mom. My closest friends knew that I considered marrying early because I wanted to have a family of my own.
To give you a little back story of my life; I grew up in an unconventional home.
The One Where It Took A Village to Raise Me
I was estranged from my mother since I was a baby and remember seeing her the last time when I was in kindergarten. My parents separated when we were very young and I was left under the care of my grandparents and aunts. My three aunts were childless and my grandparents only raised one grandchild in their home (me) at the time. To cut to the chase, I had a wonderful childhood. And I will always be thankful for that.
Unlike my parents who didn’t manage to stay together while my sister and I were kids, my grandparents were the most loving “earth angels” (they’re both gone a long time ago…but I never stop missing them). And my aunts (three of them raised me), were the same. They all loved me. Showered me with the one thing (LOVE) they believed will turn me into the best version of myself one day, without being short on discipline, wisdom, and prayers.
They say it takes a village to raise a child… but I sure was lucky to be in one amazing, supportive, and loving village. These people will forever have a huge place in my heart for the rest of my life.
The One Elusive Dream of Having My Own Family at A Young Age
But when I was a young adult, I remember recreating my very own definition of happiness to be “a family of my own.” But it might have been too limited because it also meant that not getting what I wished for won’t make me happy.
I wanted to control every part of my life so much that it was very easy to feel sad and disappointed. I also lacked enough belief in myself. I guess what I’m saying is… my beliefs back then gave me a very limited view of what it means to lead a happy and successful life.
The One Where A Dog Named “Joey Casper” Came Into My Life
I got half of what I wanted the most from life in early 2016. I planned (there goes the serial planner me all over again) to get a dog (in lieu of a child that I wanted but was impossible to have).
But good friends convinced me to adopt a newly-born puppy who needed a loving home. I obliged. He came home and I named him Joey Casper.
But I was a hypocrite dog mom during the time he was given to me. I’ve always feared dogs and never even came near one before. When Joey was brought home, I didn’t even touch him (though I wanted to). My sister carried him out of the car and into the house. And even though I provided for all of his essentials (dog cage, dog bowls for his food and water, leash, mat, and food), I left him caged for 3 days. I couldn’t touch him because I was afraid.
My sister finally told me that if I am not going to touch him, then I might as well return him so he could find a loving home, where he’ll be wanted.
But I wanted him, I was just scared.
On the fourth day, I finally mustered the courage to not only touch but carry my dog, Joey Casper. He didn’t bite me. He knew I was his mom… and he would obey, follow me, and it didn’t take one week for him to completely steal my heart.
2016 was a tough year for all of us because one of my aunts died due to cancer. She was the second aunt who died of cancer. It was a very difficult and traumatic year for me and my family.
Joey did soften my grief a little bit. His presence warmed me. His inability to talk was obscured by his adorable manner of listening intently to me. We built a connection effortlessly. I knew somehow that he knew how I was feeling, and he was there in all the ways he could console my heart. Quickly, he became my best friend in all of the world, my greatest source of fun and joy, and also my one and only child.
My dog Joey Casper taught me very important things about life and myself.
1. To love deeply and not feel sorry for it
I’ve wanted so badly to be needed by a person or a kid before.
Turns out, I was just looking for some validation that I am important to someone because I can love people deeply. It used to feel like a curse when really, it’s a gift. I’ve embraced that now.
2. To define my purpose in life
I waited for a long time to be able to give my love and care to someone or something. I guess I was always nurturing. I was drawn to kids and babies, and they were equally drawn to me. Today, I’ve defined my purpose in life, and it’s not limited to having a family or becoming a mom. I no longer feel as desperate or anxious about having a child to raise as my own. A human child, if bestowed to me and my family one day, will be a wonderful gift. But I’m completely content where I am right now, with my dog Joey Casper, who happens to be the only kid I have.
I have also learned to channel all my care and my love towards the people that are in my life. I am working on creative things that will seem to need as much nurturing from me for the years to come. Thankfully, I no longer feel that something’s missing. I believe that things happen in their own time. If they don’t, it’s all for a reason.
3. To appreciate life in every moment
Joey taught me and continues to teach me every day that every day spent with him and the people in my life are priceless. I feel so grateful that I have him and my loved ones at home to care for and look after every single day especially during this dark period of life we’re all experiencing right now (pandemic). I’ve learned to appreciate, give thanks, and cherish every small or big moment with Joey and my loved ones.
4. To be genuinely happy and to live spontaneously
Back when I was younger with loads of plans about my life and my future… I’m going to tell you something about that: I was not happy.
I was anxious and felt mildly depressed. Some of my closest friends know that I’ve always been a planner who didn’t know how to live spontaneously. They’d teach me spontaneity by… irking me and showing up 2 hours after our planned meeting when I am there before the time…
Looking back, I believe it was just me simply looking after myself and never wanting to make bad decisions. Gladly, I haven’t made so many bad decisions either that I haven’t forgiven myself for. Neither did I make several bad choices which continue to haunt me to this day.
5. To love my self completely
All the major heartaches I’ve experienced in the past all points to how much I lacked enough love and belief in myself. But I guess we all have a “charge it to growth and experience” moment in our lives and what I am is simply thankful for the lessons in the past. I do not feel remorse for anyone who’s no longer in my life.
But I am happy to have gotten to know myself better, embrace my strengths, and accept my weaknesses without cursing my lack or inadequacy.
Joey also played a part in teaching me to love myself completely, by simply being the loyal dog he is who loves me unconditionally. If a dog can love you with all of his life and be loyal to you following you around all day every day, what makes it so difficult for us to love ourselves completely? We deserve love, according to dogs.
6. To communicate better
If there is one more important thing that Joey has taught me, it is to learn to communicate better. We always hear about how communication is key in relationships… but are we communicating with each other all the time intending to understand each other? Or are we communicating to be understood only?
My dog may not be able to speak, but his inability to talk is obscured by the fact that he already taught me to read his mind. I know when it’s time to pee; when he is hungry; when he wants to sleep; when he feels protective… because he’s trained me to understand him throughout these years (as much as I trained him to get me).
“A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won’t be too bad.”
— Robert Wagner
