6 Tips to Start the Conversation with your Parents about Mental Health
It’s no secret that college is a stressful time for young adults. Many experience being away from home for extended periods for the first time in life, and face rigorous course work, and many times balancing a work life with school to pay for education and other expenses. To no surprise, this can and many times leads to stress, particularly chronic stress. You can find endless ways to manage and reduce stress, but young adults have one place in common they turn to when times get tough: parents. NBC published an article stating that 60% of young adults still call home when faced with tough decisions, unsurprising since parents are the ones who you’ve turned to for everything else.. That doesn’t mean, though, that talking to your parents about what you’re feeling is easy, though. If you’re like me, it’s almost unheard of. But I’ve started to change that recently. I’ve decided to let my parents be a part of my mental health situation, and I advise all young adults to do the same.
Now, beginning the dialogue with your parents is sometimes hard, so here are some tips to start the conversation about your mental health with your parents.
1. Identify your feelings. This is imperative for starting to receive help and support from your parents. Identify what your own situation is, whether it be stress from school, work, or family, anxiety, depression, or whatever it may be that is causing you problems. Parents can’t help or fix a problem if you can’t explain what the problem is. This is not to say though, that you must pick only one thing that is causing a problem, as some people may erroneously think. The more descriptive, the better.
2. Know what you want. After you have identified the issue at hand, next decide what reason you have for telling your parents about it. Do you want advice? Maybe for them to help reduce external pressure? Perhaps getting aid in receiving professional attention? Whatever the desired outcome, be sure to keep this in mind and state this is why you are addressing the issue at hand and not continuing with keeping it from them.
3. Pick a good time. This is very subjective to your own family dynamics. You know where your parents are the most receptive audience, whether it be in the car or our eating or shopping. Maybe they really do need a scheduled time at the dinner table and be sat down and told what is going on. For those students that live in a dormitory and not with their parents, this stage can be a bit trickier, but not impossible. Judge for yourself if what you need to talk to your parents about can wait until the next visit home, or you would prefer to start the conversation. Think about how you want your concerns presented, such as through a video messaging platform like FaceTime or Skype, or if a phone call will suffice.
For example, I live at home, and know that my parents are most receptive and engaging when they are not solely focused on me, but do not have distractions per se. Sitting down face to face makes them uncomfortable, so instead I wait until they’re watching the news where they can listen to me, but still have an outlet to diffuse tension.
4. Stay calm. Understandably, this can be a very emotional conversation. It is important, though, to try to keep a calm an understanding tone when talking to your parents. You don’t want them to dismiss your concerns as being “dramatic” or “you’ll get over it.” Rather, state your concerns matter-of-factly and try to continue that through the dialogue. This ensures that your parents see your concerns and issues are valid and that you are serious in reaching your goals.
And I do advise this from first hand experience. When I first started the dialogue with my parents, I did my best to remain calm and not break down, and I was not surprised when they did not believe me. They thought I was over reacting. But I was relentless, and they began to see that I meant what I said and that things weren’t going so well for me at the time. Be upfront about what is going on in your life, and do not let them dismiss you after your first talk, which brings us to the next point.
5. Continue dialogue. This shouldn’t be the end of letting your parents in on your struggles. On the contrary, this should be treated as the beginning of a continuous dialogue between you and your parents about how you’re doing. Also, it’ll be easier for your parents to understand your position if you break it over several conversations. Keep in mind that this may be the first time they are hearing about or noticing your struggles, so it is important not to overload them with information and expect them to understand as much as letting them know over time.
6. Look elsewhere if needed. Unfortunately, and for whatever reasons, your parents may not be your greatest allies in helping with your mental health and it’s important to be prepared to face that reality. It could be that your parents dismiss your concerns and insist you need no help. In this case, know that it is just as acceptable to get guidance from a friend or another loved one as it is from a parent. Also, consider professional counselling if you feel that your struggles are more pressing than what you or loved ones can handle. Your struggles do not deserve to be put on hold because someone is uncooperative in supporting you.
Lastly, keep your head up, and know that there is always someone there for you. For more information on talking to your parents, or seeing the problem from the parent’s perspective, feel free to visit the following websites, or read descriptions below.
www.nbcnews.com/feature/college-game-plan/anxiety-campus-6-ways-parents-can-see-past-happy-mask-n508871
Good mental health becomes a struggle for youth in the ages of 18–22, or the college years, because of the changes that children go through trying to gain independence, and it is important for parents to see past the ‘happy mask.” Parents should be aware of changes in behavior and habit, mood changes, or any lengthy change to the child’s norm. be direct about such problems, and offer guidance through these times.
http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
Talking to parents doesn’t come easily for everybody, but the key to opening a conversational relationship with parents is to do it everyday, finding something to chat about. If needing to raise a more difficult subject, be sure to know what you want from the conversation before beginning. Also, Identify what you’re feeling and pick a good time to raise the subject with your parents. Act respectfully, and they will be more likely to consider your side.
https://www.brennerchildrens.org/KidsHealth/Teens/Mind/Dealing-With-Problems/Talking-to-Parents-About-Depression.htm
Depression is a very serious matter, and it is sometimes not easy to open up. You worry about what your parents might think, or you may not even know what you think yourself. That’s acceptable. Begin by approaching your parent, and if there is tension or fighting that has been happening, be sure to resolve that before revealing to them your feelings. Do not be scared of their reaction. If they ask more questions, they are not nagging you, they just want to understand. It’s also okay to break the conversation down and promise explanations later.
http://www.heysigmund.com/how-to-help-your-child-cope-with-stress/
Parents can forget that children can be stressed too, and it is a parent’s job to help a child cope with stress. Show them calming strategies, like breathing and thinking of a happy place. Also attempt to start a dialogue with your child, such as what makes them stressed and what can be done to prevent it. Simplify your schedule, allowing more free time for your child to have a stress relief time. Distract them, perhaps with entertainment or just making them laugh. And lastly, model good coping strategies for yourself.
