FICTION

Chicago Store Owner Spots Thomas in Smash-and-Grab Robbery

Here’s what we know so far

Thomas is described as a medium-sized rooster weighing seven pounds, with red coloring on his head and under his beak. He can usually be identified by a gold chain around his neck and a tear drop tattoo under his feathers. Illustration by author.

CHICAGO — Thomas [no surname]— the fugitive rooster notorious for arson, theft, and deliberately spreading the coronavirus, and leader of the new gang “Lil’ Valley Rooster’s”— has finally been spotted in a smash-and-grab robbery of a luxury watch store in Chicago, Illinois.