Satire

How To Make Up To $5.72 a Month As a Blogger

Emma Webster
Nov 8 · 3 min read
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Last month, I was blessed enough to make almost six dollars JUST by blogging on Medium. Now, before you get ahead of yourself, remember that this didn’t happen overnight. I started out with nothing, zilch, nada. No readers and certainly no money. Now, a short year later, I have about 20 followers and six dollars. And you can too.

Below, I’ve highlighted the best of my 572 tips on how to make $5.72 a month as a blogger. This is merely a preview — you can read the full list by enrolling in my new ten-week, 17 part seminar titled; “An extra latte a month.” To enroll, simply venmo me @emmaewebster and I’ll contact you from there.

Now, it’s important to note before we go any further, that I earned my income using the Medium Partner Program. Full disclosure; to be a member of the Medium Partner Program — which allows you and fellow writers to be paid for your work on the platform — you have to pay a monthly fee of $5/month. Some may read this and say, well then you only made 72 cents. And to that I would say — maybe. BUT the monthly fee is deducted at the beginning of the month and the earnings are dispersed at month’s end, so if you don’t keep track of your finances too closely it will really feel like you’re earning the full amount by the time it hits your account.

Like all great achievements, this didn’t just happen for me. I put in the same amount of work your average straight white male has to put into gaining people’s respect; which is to say, not a whole lot of work but maybe a little bit on occasion.

Keep reading to learn just six of my top tips for earning big as a blogger.

People know what you mean, they don’t need you to correct your mistakes for them. This will weed out all the lazy or pretentious readers from your following.

You know that phrase, why do tomorrow what you could do today? Well let’s just take that, flip it, and reverse it (sup Missy Elliott). Why do it today? In fact, why do it tomorrow? You’ll always be able to write, but who knows how long it will be until they finally take The Office off Netflix?

If your blog is strong enough, people will find you, not the other way around.

This will make you appear more mysterious and intimidating, and will ultimately make people afraid to unfollow you, ensuring an overall increase in followers.

Blogging on a schedule is boring. Instead, why not keep them on their toes with sporadic and random posting? Next week, try posting every day, and then wait maybe a month until you post again. Treat your readers like that lax bro you hooked up with college treated you — only show up at the most unexpected times after you’ve been almost totally forgotten.

It’s nostalgic. People love nostalgia.

MuddyUm

A Satirical View | Making M*d*um FUN Again

Emma Webster

Written by

Writer living in Oakland, CA. Likes; good books, bad books, pad thai, good boys, bad boys, and hiking. emma-e-webster.com.

MuddyUm

MuddyUm

A Satirical View | Making M*d*um FUN Again

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