HUMOR

No Such Thing as Too Much Pie

I’m gonna need some more

Hank Eng
Hank Eng
Aug 29, 2020 · 4 min read
Image by skeeze from Pixabay

When I was a young man of seventeen, I was hired by Horn & Hardart as a part-timer. Horn & Hardart, for those people not familiar with the company, is the first fast-food Automat restaurant in the United States; they first opened in 1912. The company was unique in the way food was purchased and served to the customer. See the customer user instruction image below:

Image credit: Horn & Hardart commons.wikimedia.org

I got assigned to a bakery outlet store that sold the same pastries, salads, cakes, pies, and rotisserie chicken that were available in the company’s Automat restaurants. My two best friends and I got hired and assigned to the same bakery outlet. Our store offered 11 types of pies and eight types of cake. There were two walk-in refrigerators full of cakes and pies for restocking the empty shelves in the store.

The company policy was to sell only fresh cooked food daily, and they would send out inspectors on unannounced store inspections to enforce this policy. This policy was very popular with consumers, and it enabled the company to expand nationwide.

It was very popular with us part-timers, and there was a good reason for it. When the store closed at the end of the day, we would have to get rid of all the unsold cakes, pies, other pastries, salads, and chicken. We couldn’t sell them the next day. We were allowed to take home anything that was to be disposed of. We would bring home shopping bags full of food for ourselves, our families, and friends. It was a great way to save money on food; it was almost like getting extra money in our paycheck. We were heroes! To us, it was like a dream come true. It was nearly as good as catching a glimpse of a naked female. Hey, don’t judge; our teenage male hormones were raging then too!

My friends and I would eat a whole pie almost daily and chicken every other day. People would hang around our family’s home, waiting for us to come home.

I know you’re thinking they must have gotten fat from all those pies they ate! You would be incorrect. We were young men of seventeen and eighteen years old and at 5'9 to 5'10 in height, we were about 150 to 160 pounds in weight, during that time. We were still competing in martial arts tournaments in various northeastern states on some weekends. We were in pretty good shape. Many different military recruiters lusted after us to sign up in those days.

If you are parents of teenage young men, you already know that they can eat and empty out the family refrigerator in two days at most! They wouldn’t gain a single pound.

Nowadays, if I even look at a picture of a pie, the waistband of my underwear would stretch and groan in protest! But what the heck, on second thought; I shouldn’t care so much, and there’s a good reason for it too. I am retired, I am 70 years old, I’m in pretty good health, and I’m not planning to sign up in any “Ironman” competition. So if you read down this far in the article, I’ll reward you with my recipe for “No Churning Oreo Cookie Ice Cream Pie!” Here goes:

  1. Grab a package of Oreo Cookies, one tbs. of melted unsalted butter and toss them into a food processer and grind it until it is crumbly. Empty the crumbs into a 1 and 1/2 inch deep pie pan. Use the bottom of a drinking cup or glass and press it down on the crumbs to form a pie crust on the inside of the pie pan. Set it aside when this step is complete.
  2. Please put in a mixing bowl 1 pint of heavy whipping cream and using a blender, whisk it until it develops stiff peaks. Set it aside.
  3. Into another mixing bowl, pour in a 14 oz. Can of sweetened condensed milk, 1 cup of cocoa powder, a pinch of salt, and mix it until blended.
  4. Fold in the whipped cream into the bowl of the condensed milk mixture. Use a wide spatula to blend the mix gently. Do not combine the mixture vigorously because you do not want to introduce too much air into the mixture.
  5. Pour to the blended mixture gently into your pie pan and smooth out the top of the mix so that it appears level. Put some mini chocolate chips on top of the mix if you wish.
  6. Place the pie pan in your freezer, wait six hours until it’s frozen as ice cream should be.
  7. Eat up when ready!

Thanks to Susan Brearley for the prompt and the opportunity for me to reminisce!

Thank You, Dear Reader, For spending your valuable time out to read this story!

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor. Since 1720.

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Hank Eng

Written by

Hank Eng

Retired from the Aerospace Industry. I write Satire, Humor, and Funny stories about the absurd things in life. medium.com/metaphorically

MuddyUm

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

Hank Eng

Written by

Hank Eng

Retired from the Aerospace Industry. I write Satire, Humor, and Funny stories about the absurd things in life. medium.com/metaphorically

MuddyUm

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

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