HUMOR

Proton Station Nectar: Bottle Cap Facts

Move over, Nantucket Nectar!

Sarah Totton
Jul 27, 2020 · 2 min read
Photo by Miguel Andrade at Unsplash
  • Proton Station is a ghost town in the province of Ontario, Canada ~woooooooo~
  • The inhabitants of Proton Station are known as “ghosts.”
  • Proton Station does not accept American Express.
  • The dominant flavor of Proton Station is limestone. The dominant aroma is shoe.
  • The town of Proton Station is approximately 7000 lemons long. In metric, that’s ten Vitamin C.
  • Proton Station is host to over 7 trillion E. coli!
  • There are no bison in Proton Station, despite being located in the country of Canada, which does contain bison.
  • Train spotting was a popular pastime in Proton Station. Now, ghost-train spotting is all the rage.
  • The town of Mold in Wales is twinned with Proton Station, or it was until Proton Station ghosted it. ~wooooooooo~
  • Proton Station is just a short 14-hour drive from Chibougamau, Quebec.
  • If you’re feeling down, just remind yourself that at least you’re not Eddie Measell of Proton Station.
  • Proton Station Celebrity: Eddie Measell, former owner of the world’s largest testicle.
  • Proton Station Celebrity: Hester Thamnophis, instigator of the gorgon salad. Goes in like oiled snakes. Comes out like a stone.
  • Proton Station’s mascot, a donkey named Onions, was felled by a microburst in July of 1933.
  • Director Atom Egoyan shot his film Electron on the outskirts of Proton Station.
  • Proton Station was the site of the world’s first electron microscopic brewery. Invisible to the naked eye. Untasteable to the naked tongue.
  • In the all-female reboot of Glengarry Glen Ross, the epic scene where Helen Mirren shouts “Put that chamomile down!” was filmed inside Proton Station’s former general store.
  • It is customary when entering people’s houses in Proton Station to leave your teeth on the doorstep, arranged in the shape of a groundhog.
  • It is said that every time someone eats a bowl of Weetabix in Proton Station, a fairy’s wings fall off.

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MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

Sarah Totton

Written by

Sarah Totton writes comedy and snorgles small mammals. She once gave a reading on a flatbed truck at a garden center to an audience of three ferns.

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

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