Humor

The Great Forgotten Profession Of Gold Digging Is Finally Coming Back

When you fail at your first choice, accept the next best thing

Kylie Craft
Mar 19 · 4 min read
A blonde lady looking out the window of a bar for her next victim.
A blonde lady looking out the window of a bar for her next victim.
Photo by Jayson Hinrichsen on Unsplash

Everyone has heard about, and has extreme respect for, the gold digger. But what about the gold digger’s lesser know counterpart, the silver locator? Just like being a gold digger, you can also make a respectable living, while not doing any work, by being a silver locator.

If you are anything like I once was, a young girl wanting riches and fame with no work ethic, this information will prove to be invaluable to you. You are so welcome, in advance.

Before I give you the definition of a gold digger, I would like to correct a common misconception. This common misconception is a belief that the only way to become a gold digger is to inherit the title. Many young women believe this title is passed down in a family, much like a title of Lord or Lady. This is not the case. Despite what many would have you to believe, anyone is capable of becoming a gold digger.

According to the definition provided in the dictionary, a gold digger is a person who forms relationships with others purely to extract money from them, in particular a woman who strives to marry a wealthy man.

Many people don’t know that men are also capable of being gold diggers. I have personal experience with that, because two of them found me and I married them both before they quit working. These men don’t get called gold diggers, though. The terminology for a male gold digger is being a mooch.

Very few people are able to go straight to the gold digger title, no matter how talented they are. There is a ladder to success in this field, just as any other.

There are positions starting from entry level going all the way up to middle management that one must climb. However, in this field, you can skip some of the ladder rungs, if you know what to do. So be patient, because your sugar daddy could come right after you give up.

The question of the decade should be addressed before we go any further. Many readers are probably asking themselves why the female money seeker, aka payee, is called a gold digger when the payor is called a sugar daddy. I don’t know for sure.

If I had to speculate, I would say that a hussy in the 1800’s was digging for gold when she found an easier way to make money. This was probably someone’s dad who might have made sugar as a profession. Again, that is all speculation. I never said any of this made sense. I only said it worked.

Right before one ascends to the level of Gold digger, the silver locator title is achieved. The silver locator is not as picky as to how much money she gets or what standard of living is maintained, as long as she doesn’t have to work. Not working is the only goal for the silver locator.

Underneath the silver locator, is the copper catcher. This one dates many different men, whom all provide a different service or means of support.

Some copper catchers actually just get free dinners every day of the week and still have to work. Most of them still live with their parents. They are just beginning to understand the field and have not decided firmly if they are going to stay in it or not. They may still have problems not throwing up.

The dreaded lot lizard is the worst of the bunch. Not only does this person not have any kind of lifestyle to maintain worth talking about, but they are basically just prostitutes that hang out at truck stops. You can usually spot them. They usually they have a Tweety Bird shirt on that says baby girl and they are at least 60 to 90 years old. They also hang out by the diesel pump which makes it easy to spot them.

Many of you are probably wondering what the difference is between any of these jobs and a prostitute, if they are all exchanging sex for any goods or services. Wouldn’t that still make somebody a prostitute, even if they were at the famed gold digging level?

I don’t have the answer for that. I don’t have the answer because I’ve never done any of this.

In summary I would like to point out that I have always worked and never ever depended on a man for my support. But I am a writer. That means, I can write about things I have no experience in and do it with authority.

Good luck to all of you gold digging people, though!

Meme from Pinterest

Bootleg Humor. Since 1720.

By MuddyUm

Infecting the World with Humor -- Best of the MuddyUm Humorists  Take a look.

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Kylie Craft

Written by

Property Manager, Credit Specialist and Writer in addition to being a mother of four kids, two dogs, two birds and a turtle. www.kyliesrants.net

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

Kylie Craft

Written by

Property Manager, Credit Specialist and Writer in addition to being a mother of four kids, two dogs, two birds and a turtle. www.kyliesrants.net

MuddyUm

Bootleg Humor Since 1720

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