What do Teenage Boys and Bigfoot Have in Common?
During the stay-at-home order, I’ve made a discovery — Bigfoot does exist and he’s hiding somewhere in my house.
I first noticed the evidence in my kitchen one morning. I got up early to let our dog out and while she was doing her business, I was struck by the state of my kitchen. Cabinets and drawers had been left open. An empty milk jug was awkwardly crammed sideways in the fridge right next to a jar of jelly without a lid. Cereal bits were scattered all over the island, wrappers from my fourteen-year-old son’s favorite chocolate littered the floor and a trail of popcorn shrapnel led up the stairs to his room. My heart pounded as I raced up to check on my little boy. I burst through the door, and much to my heart’s relief, there was my soundly sleeping boy. Whoever, or whatever, had made the kitchen look like the aftermath of a Metallica concert was nowhere to be seen. I would have to sleep with one eye open.
I’ve noticed other things too. Every time I call for my son to come to dinner, a deep growl mumbles back at me. The exact sounds are unidentifiable. “Did you hear that?”, I’ll ask my husband and daughters. Shrugs all around.
I’ve also heard the shower running for over half an hour, but my son insists he only takes two seconds. If that’s true, who is wasting all that water? And where is all that fur in the drain coming from?
Now this really sounds crazy, but I think this creature has been trying to wear my son’s shoes. I know my son always puts his sneakers away in the mud room, but I have almost broken my neck tripping over them in the middle of the floor. The toes are stretched and nearly worn through. Clearly, a much larger foot has invaded. Did I mention the odor that radiates from them? The dog won’t even go near them. I’ve given it extremely careful thought and I keep coming back to this one possibility — Bigfoot.
I wondered if my son had noticed any of these unusual changes, but any time I ask him, he stomps away. I realize he might have met the creature and is either protecting it or is terrified of it.
The ordeal has completely robbed my son of his sense of humor. He used to crack up at my jokes. Now when I say anything or text him amusing photos from Buzzfeed, all I get are eye rolls or worse — … then no text back.
I know that my son must be distraught over the strange happenings. After all, the creature is clearly targeting him. It is his stash of snacks and drinks that are being ravaged, his closet raided and his mind so occupied with fear that he has stopped wanting to participate in family game night. I even got the sense that a water balloon fight with his sisters was a chore . This was the kid who used to fill zip-loc bags with water to keep the game going once all the water balloons were popped, but not this time. He halfheartedly tossed a balloon, shielded his eyes from the sun with his middle finger and retreated back inside, probably to finish his homework — but maybe to google Bigfoot.