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Why Are Humans So Stupid?

Tightrope Tales from Squirrel on a Wire

Photo by Luke Jones on Unsplash

Chh-chh-chh. I chatter at the beasts known as Humans. I’m a squirrel and they are the enemy.

Humans are always in my way. They tempt me with their hairy heads. I’d like to sink my claws into their hairy heads for fun! Can you imagine the surprise, the scream? And, I would chh-chh-chh at them with glee before going to eat a peach from my peach tree.

The resident pest walks out her back door and starts yelling at me. What the heck did I do? I’m just over here, minding my own business, chowing down on all the deliciously ripe blackberries. I’ve been waiting a whole year to taste these!

And, then she releases that furry four-legged barking beast into the backyard. That’s my cue to skedaddle. But, I’ll be back as soon as the morning warms up and the pests go hide in their natural habitat.

I’ll rummage through the just ripening tomatoes for a nice lunch with a dab of hydration from the “bird” bath. For good measure, I’ll gnaw on the stems of some new plants to see what they taste like. If I don’t like them, I’ll spit them out and return to the blackberry bush. Mmm…blackberries

You know what gets me about humans? They ooo and aww at how cute we are, even take our pictures like we’re movie stars, and then they curse at us 15 minutes later. Talk about indecisive!

I don’t know why humans think they’re so darn smart.

One summer, the resident pest tried to keep me out of my tomato patch with a sprinkler that sprayed me when I went near (learned how to go around that), cayenne pepper around the garden (eww, I know better than to sniff around that stuff — aaaachooo!), and some weird netting to keep me out of the raised bed garden (but the joke’s on her because I trapped myself in with those delicious, ripe tomatoes (yum!).

You should have seen the resident man-pest running outside to try and escort me out. The nerve!

Still, humans can be awfully cute and their behavior is interesting.

I’m heading back to my favorite electric wire to observe the resident pests’ antics.

And, when I get bored, I’ll be sure to behead a few sunflowers. Mmm…sunflowers…One of my favorite parts of summer!

’til next time.

-Squirrel

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