Coming Out of the Proverbial Closet
I was recently asked about my “coming out story” and I realized that this is actually a pretty popular question I get asked when I talk about my relationship with the woman I love. The inquiry doesn’t upset me but a very simple fact is assumed in that question and it has been nagging at me for a while.
The assumption is that I had something to come out to.
Now, looking at my life, I had every reason to have a traditional coming out story. One where my mom finds me kissing a girl at a softball game, or where I demand to be allowed to play football on our high school team and no one acts surprised when I bring a girl to prom, or even a less dramatic one where I sit my mom and sister down and tell them that “I’m gay.” But for some reason, none of that really happened for me. I grew up in a non-denominational (the most ironic of denominations) mega-church where being gay was a sinful lifestyle so I was always scared that my attraction to women would never be acceptable. I just started to believe that it would always be my kind of perversion that I would need to push past in order to be a good person. So really, I never felt like I needed to come out as gay (even to myself) until I fell in love with another woman, and then it didn’t feel perverted at all. It actually felt like the most genuine and natural thing I could do. And even then, I didn’t feel like I was sold out to only women for the rest of my life.
Telling my friends and family that I had found someone I loved and loved me back felt a lot more natural than telling them that I found a gender that I love more than the other. For me.
For me, men are still just as beautiful and attractive as women are. I mean, they make up half of the world’s population and calling them icky, just feels like I would be really closed-minded about who I could possibly connect best with.
So when I think about my “coming out story,” if I came out to anything, it was that I am a person that is attracted to people. Which, although I know it took a lot of self-realization and self-love in order to get there, I feel like everyone kind of has the same story.
I just want to talk for a second about sexual fluidity.
I think the reason I don’t like categorizing people’s sexuality is because it feels like I am limiting expression. Now that there is legally room for people to commit to whoever they want, can we drop the unnecessary label of whether people are gay or straight? There is a pendulum swing that says you must be one or the other and I would like to balance that out for my friends and the world. I will not apologize for not being a “gold star” lesbian and I also won’t apologize for dressing more masculine while I still find men super sexy. I am in the most honest place in my sexuality that I can be. And that is exactly what it is, my sexuality. Where can you allow more fluidity in your sexuality? Where can you be more open?
I guess I wanted to write this so that maybe you would allow the world around you to be as fluid as they want. But in order for you to give that freedom to the world around you, you would have to start giving yourself that same liberty. Take away the pressure of figuring out what gender you’d rather have sex with and just let yourself be attracted to humans because they are humans.
That’s some edgy shit.