5 Life Lessons I Realised When Somebody Else Got the Promotion
A lot of things happened to me when I became a mother. I can say that Motherhood has both hardened and softened me simultaneously. I want to tell you the story of when I left to go on maternity leave, and somebody else got the promotion — then realised that I don’t need a work promotion to feel validated.
Some background
When I first went on maternity leave, I was at the peak of my career. Well, it felt like it was. I was in a sales team managing accounts with a very successful client. My account was the biggest in the company, and I was instrumental in turning the relationship around. So going on maternity leave felt like I was leaving a house renovation project close to its completion to build a dream house, only it wasn’t a dream house. It was a dream career.
I had an excellent account and good relationships with my mentors, bosses, and clients, and I was walking away to give birth. My career was my life, so walking away to pop out a child felt all brand new and scary. I was handing over my job and accounts to someone I respected and thought was a good person for the job; on top of that, he was a nice guy. I remember how other women I knew felt insecure and worried about the person who temporarily took over their position while on maternity leave. I knew I didn’t want it to be that way, the person didn’t threaten me, so I was genuinely happy for this person.
Fast forward ten months, and I decided I was ready to return to work.
Do you know what’s the biggest mistake all returning mums make?
It is to act and work like they used to. Unfortunately, things aren’t the same. We are running on less sleep. We have to cater to our family’s and children’s needs, so there’s no more late night checking the email or finishing the proposal. Or do more work over the weekend because your days aren’t yours anymore. The little one calls for your time.
When I got back, I was not as busy anymore. My thriving account isn’t mine anymore. And the person who took over my account got a promotion! Yes, that felt like a hit to my face. Would I have gotten that promotion if I didn’t go on maternity leave? After all, he took over most of my hard work to reap the benefits. I agree it’s no free lunch for this person either; they had to do some hard work. But still, I could not shake the feeling of unfairness because I couldn’t stop thinking that the promotion should have been mine.
Being Robbed
That’s a loaded claim, isn’t it? I could not think clearly amid the jealousy and feeling sorry for myself. Was it all intentional? Was I really robbed?
You know, while you are in the eye of a storm, you cannot see out, but once the storm passes and you can step out, you will gain perspective.
I’m on my second maternity leave now, and here is what I have realised.
1) I don’t need to climb the corporate ladder.
As much as I enjoyed my work and my career, I no longer feel the need to climb the corporate ladder. It doesn’t mean I’m no longer sharp or have the edge or drive to get shit done. It means I no longer aspire for the title, level, or prestige to rub shoulders with the hotshots.
That’s right. I choose to have my spare time spent with my children. In their eyes, I’m a hotshot. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
2) How you do anything is how you do everything.
I believe this statement is always true in my interactions with people from different walks of life.
Remember the person I got jealous of over a promotion? He eventually left the company, and I took over his work (mine, to begin with). When I looked under the hood of all his work, I realised what a complete mess he was in everything from creating contracts, dealing with clients, and managing projects and people. I could not believe I was making myself miserable, thinking he was better than me. When in reality, he was probably overwhelmed and out of his depth.
I need to get over myself, too and stop feeling entitled. I don’t need to compare myself to others. If I focus on my work, what I do, and how I do it — I know I’ll always produce good work.
3. It’s all face-value.
The corporate world can be quite a shallow experience in terms of interactions. Many people show and tell how good they have it and what they have done to deserve your respect. Many people will attempt to connect with you but only because they want something out of you or they are assessing if you would be of value to them later on. I say, take it for what it is. Only believe people by their actions because their actions will always betray their words.
4. Re-evaluating my values.
The corporate world gives us an illusion that it’s ok to be a jerk and a low-life because you can hide under the covers of deadlines and evil bosses. It is an illusion, and I refuse to be a jerk.
I’ve decided to keep being a good person. Ultimately, I want to be the type of person my kids would be proud to call Mum. I want to lead and walk a life my kids may see as a good example of a human being. Decent, honest, fun, crazy, and imperfectly human.
5) I no longer need to please.
It may be an evolution through my years of maturity, but I no longer feel the need to please. Being a mother has taught me to trust my instincts which is freeing like a mic dropping.
