Hi, Please Put Your Shoes On

You know what really bothers me? I mean, there’s a ton of things that irritate me* but little else gets me more annoyed other than bare feet in public when it’s not at an aquatic setting or yoga class.

I just returned home from a week long cruise which started off by having to sit next to a pair of bare feet. The only other thing that bristles my delicate sensibilities is having my personal space invaded.

By bare feet especially.

We boarded the ship and our room wasn’t ready so what else is there to do when you having nothing to occupy your time?

You obviously eat.

On a cruise, you have the option to grab food at an enormous buffet almost all day and all night so that’s where my husband and I headed.

My plate full of salad greens, I looked for a spot to sit and couldn’t find one except at a banquette which, if you’ve never worked in a restaurant, is a long booth.

I slid into my seat and looked down only to be met with a pair of bare feet staring back up at me.

The feet belonged to a little girl who was fast asleep, her legs riding the cusp what I like to think of as my cherished bubble of personal space.

Surely her parents could scoot her forward so I didn’t have to eat with these feet in my peripheral vision, mere inches from my leg?

But no can do.

Her father shrugged.

“She’s exhausted!” he said cheerfully, ignoring the surly expression on my face.

Later during the week, I was in the gym, fully suited up wearing socks and sneakers, you know, the proper thing to wear when you’re exercising.

I glanced over to see a middle aged man joyfully, working out on the elliptical, ignoring the blaring MUST WEAR SHOES signs.

Bare feet.

Elliptical.

At the gym.

In public. How could I communicate my disgust?

I saw a variety of barefoot people in the halls, on the stairs, padding around on the track. On line at the buffet.

Willfully drawing my eyes away from the offending digits, I wondered why so many people shared an aversion to shoes?

I for one do not want to see overgrown toenails, hammer toes, bunions, funky long middle toes, old people toenails that look like the beaks of prehistoric birds or anything else weird and unpleasant.

Remember in Die Hard when Bruce Willis spends the movie barefoot? I was more concerned over him getting glass in his feet than anything else. Couldn’t he have fashioned shoes out of something?

Not in the mood to go through the exhaustion of sliding on some shoes? Flip flops are always a good choice. They say, “I rather be barefoot but probably shouldn’t so I’ll just slip on the lightest footwear I can find.”

See? So easy. Two seconds. DONE. And acceptable in most places, not the gym though.

I can only surmise that some shoe-haters find the act of sliding a sandal over their foot too taxing.

The last night on the cruise my husband and I ate at what is the equivalent of a somewhat formal dining room. Think a step above Outback Steakhouse but a notch below the Hotel Bel Air. You’re supposed to dress up a little. You know, wear shoes.

I was sipping a glass of Pinto Grigio and happened to look to my left right in time to see the woman next to me remove both of her shoes and begin to bob her bare foot up and down.

My own shoe encased toes curled. Of course my line of vision was pulled to that foot again and again as if my eyes were a ship and her foot a lighthouse, flashing a beacon to get my attention.

Finally she tucked up both feet criss-cross applesauce style where I got to see the under sole of her dirty feet while I ate my tandoori chicken. This scene brought up an unpleasant memory of visiting a local bagel store where a woman had removed her shoes and was rubbing her bare feet against the empty chair like she was a cat on a scratching post.

I’m not here saying if you have ugly feet to keep them under wraps like a surprise, I’m saying please wear shoes in public places.

I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been at the airport or on an airplane where people kick off their shoes like they’re at home.

Alert! An airport is not your home.

Lace up.

If you are a person who enjoys the look of bare feet no matter where you are or who’s around, might I suggest the following:

a comfy pair of slip ons…

…or perhaps these if you are into lace ups?

Maybe you prefer a more formal high-heel?

*other things that irritate me include but are not limited to: singing in public, whistling, people who talk on their cell phones in waiting rooms, wedge flip flops, over ten items at the 10 items or less line, being put on an email mailing list without my consent, sequined jeans, loud talkers, and mouth noises.

And of course, people’s bare feet in vacation photos.