Muse Me prompt: Creative motherhood
Human Mother to Be
I think I have been grieving in the midst of the most beautiful event in my life
I quit my job to become a freelancer six months back, to be able to focus on my creative work. But I didn’t manage to build up the business of that so that it would generate enough income before my partner and I decided to get pregnant. So when I found out that we were expecting, which was only a few weeks after our first try, I felt like I had to go get myself a job as a nurse again. Meaning that I wouldn’t be having the time to do all of that creative work which I love. Instead, I’m going back to work as a nurse in a system I find dysfunctional (the ward here in Norway is highly ruled by economy and focuses on feeding people drugs instead of treating them holistically).
I am truly exited about this pregnancy and already in love with the fetus growing inside of me. It is a wonderful gift to be able to create life together with someone that you love so indescribably much. But being pregnant is not just joy and love all the time, it can take a lot away. It can rob you of your energy and time, challenge your relationships, I’ve heard it can even bring friendships to an end.
I’ve been a mother of art
I love to dance, create events for our women’s circle, teach yoga, host cacao ceremonies, write and create music, hold kirtans and so much more. And when I get a child into my arms, I need to prioritize. Even now when I’m pregnant, I have to do less because my body is working full time creating. And I will need to earn enough money so that I can provide for my family. My grandmother made that very clear in a text-message I received a couple of days ago. Now that I need to provide for others than myself, I need to stop goofing around and get a real job.
So I think I have been grieving in the midst of the most beautiful event in my life. Is that even allowed? You should just be grateful, right? That you have the opportunity to get pregnant. That you have someone you can create a family with.
Becoming a mother of a human child
You have to make room in your life for that new human who is going to depend on you. But hey, children are creative by nature, right? Hopefully I can learn a lot about creativity from the child whom I create.
The key would be, I guess, not to cling to the past, neither my expectations about the future. Trust that it will be exactly the way it’s supposed to. Easier said than done.
The reflections in this essay came into form after being inspired by an essay written by a dear friend of mine. You can read her essay here:
