To the Moon & Back
When I was about 9 years old, my mother gave me a journal to write in. On the cover she placed a hand-cut piece of chalkboard, adorned with sparkling words that read “Branden’s Memories.” My mother wanted this to be a place for me to preserve the past, a place to revisit when I forgot what it was like to be a kid — the sight of the sun sinking below the ocean’s horizon, the feeling of grass beneath my feet, the smell of freshly washed sheets, the taste of homemade cookies, and the sound of the Elvis Presley and Bob Marley records my mother and father would play loudly on Sunday mornings. One of the first things I wrote in that journal was feeling like I deserved to die.
As you can see, mental health is a topic that is near and dear to me. I’ve struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide for a majority of my life, and the thing that got me through it all to see today was music. I often used music as a way to escape my troubles and immerse myself in another world when I was in the thick of it. My album of choice was Kid Cudi’s Man on the Moon: The End of Day, an album where Cudi likens himself to someone from out of this world — someone who doesn’t belong and struggles to come to terms with that. As I’ve gotten older and had time to reflect on my own struggles, I’ve come to realize that music isn’t just a means of escapism. Music is something that can give people the strength they need when suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. This is a common sentiment — many people will tell you music emotionally helped them through tough times. But — is there any scientific basis to this claim? Well actually, yes! According to the study “The Effect of Music on the Human Stress Response” (Thoma et al.), “Music listening has been suggested to beneficially impact health via stress-reducing effects… Our findings indicate that music listening impacted the psychobiological stress system. Listening to music prior to a standardized stressor predominantly affected the autonomic nervous system (in terms of a faster recovery), and to a lesser degree the endocrine and psychological stress response.” If music can be proven to reduce stress in the nervous system, can it have other effects? According to the World Journal of Psychiatry, “At the psychological level music can engage several social functions, can increase communication and social cohesion and can promote empathetic relationships, especially in the active MT approaches. Finally, from the rehabilitative point of view, making music can involve and influence motor areas functioning and regulation. This effect appears to be connected to pleasure and thereby can positively affect the mood and consequently the rehabilitative process” (Raglio et al.). Music doesn’t need to be just a means of distraction from your current problems. If utilized correctly, it can also be a method for helping you to deal with your issues head on.
Music did just that for me. I’d even go as far as to say that music is the reason I’m still alive right now. When I was at my lowest, a small handful of artists making songs about how I was feeling got me to realize that I could get through the pain and onto something better. I’d like to show you some of the songs that kept me going and take you on a journey from lows to highs.
“Hard Times” by Paramore (2018)
I’d like to start off by talking about a song that has nothing to do with hip-hop. Paramore is a band described as emo/pop punk/alternative. Their album “After Laughter” is my personal favorite of their discography, which talks about themes of anxiety, depression, suicide and more. “Hard Times” embodies one of my favorite musical styles — sweet and happy melodies accompanied by depressing and saddening lyrics. “Hard Times” is a pop-feeling song that talks about not knowing how to get past difficult situations and having a metaphorical rain cloud following you around wherever you go. I think this song ties into my thesis nicely, showing difficulties in daily life being expressed with music and dealt with by music as well.
Kid Cudi is another artist whom I, and many others, often think of first when it comes to mental health issues being expressed and dealt with through music. He has always been open with his listeners about his struggles with depression, suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, and more. Man on the Moon II is his second album, and the song I’ve picked here, “Mr. Rager,” highlights Cudi’s attempts to cover or block out his issues by using drugs and alcohol. The song incorporates a droning, low beat accompanied by some high-pitched synth sounds to give a psychedelic quality and bring you into Cudi’s attempts at escapism. Mr. Rager is a character in Cudi’s story here, an alternative version of himself who damaged his life with dangerous vices.
“Good News” is a song I both love and find hard to listen to. Given that Mac is no longer with us, the fact that he made this song before his death makes it even more tragic. “Good News” is a song about how Mac feels nobody wants to hear about how he’s feeling; they only want to hear the good news from him and not any of his issues. He talks about his exhaustion, wonders why he still needs to be alive, and hopes that this isn’t all there is for him, that more waits for him on the other side. The end of the final verse is what really gets to me: “…That it ain’t that bad, Ain’t so bad, Well, it ain’t that bad, At least it don’t gotta be no more…”
Mac made it clear he was suffering and didn’t know how to fix things for a long time. It’s sad he died so young, but all we can do now is hope the other side is exactly what he hoped it would be in “Good News.”
I tried to limit my list to one song per artist, but I’m going to cheat here and add another song that is by both Kid Cudi and Kanye West under the name Kids See Ghosts. “Reborn,” to me, is the ultimate feel-good song. Given Kid Cudi’s discography, “Reborn” stands out so much. Cudi consistently sang about his ongoing struggle with depression for over a decade, so to hear him go from talking about his inner demons manifesting in nightmares to singing lyrics like the following is simply incredible:
I’ve come a long way from them hauntin’ me,
Had me feelin’ oh so low,
Ain’t no stoppin’ you, no way,
Oh, things ain’t like before,
Ain’t no stoppin’ you, no way,
No stress yes, I’m so blessed.
To me, this song shows, that no matter how dire your situation and how much you think death would save you, if you keep moving forward, you can live your life feeling like you’ve been reborn.
I’d like to talk about another non-hip-hop song here for a moment. “Define Me” by Red Vox is another song that gives me the same kind of hope that “Reborn” does. “Define Me” is an almost entirely acoustic piece with some synth thrown in with vocals. It’s a simple construction, but the lyrics and somber sound really mesh well together. The chorus and refrain both make the message of the song clear — things will work out eventually. The song uses drowning as a metaphor for struggling with daily life and contrasts the watery imagery with hopeful repeats of its own thesis, “I got a feeling it’ll all work out.”
“Luv (sic.) pt 3” is a song that speaks to me by talking about how powerful music can be for someone when they can’t seem to get by in normal daily life. The opening lines are repeated as a part of the chorus in this song, reinforcing the idea that music can get you through almost anything.
It’s funny how the music put times in perspective,
Add a soundtrack to your life and perfect it,
Whenever you are feeling blue, keep walking,
And we can get far,
Wherever you are.
Nujabes actually serves as the DJ for this piece, creating and mixing the beat you hear while the artist Shing02 performs the vocals. When Shing talks about how it’s hard to find both a gig that gives him the money he needs to live, as well as a reason to keep going, he’s admitting his own struggles with his chosen path. He says that his thinking is wishful, like a star upon a child gazing up to the ceiling, almost saying that his dream of a music career is as far away as a star. But this isn’t stopping him, he’s going to go with the wind and let the memories flow.
“The Best Day” gets to the core of the daily struggles so many different people face. Each verse is the problems of a different character: the first an overworked and broke person who hates their job and wants nothing more than to leave but can’t and feels stuck. The second is a young kid in school who feels like an outcast, finds no solace in friends or faculty, so finds it with “the voice in my headphones.” The third is a family man who can’t seem to catch a break with car issues, overdue bills, family issues, work issues, and even a pending divorce. All of these separate characters help to illustrate that nobody’s issues outweigh another’s — they all matter. But Atmosphere emphasizes that they see your issues, and you can help get through all of it by saying this:
You wish you could take it back to yesterday,
You not alone, it’s hard as hell,
But don’t waste no time feeling sorry for self,
We’ll be right here with you through your war,
Cause you’re the one that we make this music for,
Now turn it up.
And they end with the reminder that you should do what you can, and make the best out of every day.
I’d like to close this playlist out with a song I discovered and listened to on repeat in high school. This song hits a lot of the same notes that “The Best Day” and “Reborn” hit, but I want to include “Clouds,” as it’s what got me through my own tough times and introduced me to Dumbfoundead in the first place. “Clouds” is a simple piece. It came from three key artists, who were unknown at the time outside of YouTube — Dumbfoundead, Clara C, and Jay Park. They were going through the exact things they sang about, making their words feel very real to me. The chorus embodies the optimistic message perfectly.
When the clouds are in the sky,
Know that they’re just passing by,
There’ll be sunshine… yeah,
If your days are stormy nights,
Dry the raindrops from your eyes,
There’ll be sunshine.
I’m sure this playlist has come off as very personal — and that’s because it is. I’ve been through my fair share of depression. I don’t think it’s something I will ever fully move past, but what I have managed to accomplish, I have music to thank for. When I was struggling with my own feelings, it was artists like Kid Cudi that made me aware of one key fact: I am not the only one who is thinking and feeling these same things. What made things so hard for me was feeling like I was alone and would never be understood — so to hear these artists almost directly talk to me and say they’ve been there before, and that there’s hope for a better day tomorrow, were all things that gave me the strength to go on.
I think understanding that music can be a tool to help you through everyday struggles is invaluable. If you are going through something that you see no way out of, look for music that shares your feelings and understands your situation. You can even be the person to make the music for someone else in the future. All that matters is that we understand music and its power.
Cherry, Kendra. “verywellmind.com.” 19 December 2019. verywellmind. https://www.verywellmind.com/surprising-psychological-benefits-of-music-4126866. Accessed 11 June 2021.
Gold, Benjamin, et al. “Frontiers in Psychology.” 21 August 2013. frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00541/full. Accessed 11 June 2021.
Raglio, Alfredo et al. “Effects of music and music therapy on mood in neurological patients.” World journal of psychiatry vol. 5,1 (2015): 68–78. doi:10.5498/wjp.v5.i1.68. Accessed 9 June 2021.
Thoma, M. et al. “The Effect of Music on the Human Stress Response.” PLoS ONE 8 (2013): n. pag. Accessed 12 June 2021.
Warren, Molly. “The Impact of Music Therapy on Mental Health.” 19 December 2016. NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2016/The-Impact-of-Music-Therapy-on-Mental-Health. Accessed 11 June 2021.
