I still haven’t found what i’m looking for… although I think I might be on the right track now…

How long does it take to find that thing we are all searching for? Why does it elude us? Maybe we look in all the wrong places, maybe we look for all the wrong things. I have lead a life that one could say was purposeful and directed but whenever I listened to the U2 song alluded to as part of the title of this article, I always felt it was talking to me. I thought after marriage it would change, after getting my qualifications, after moving out of my parent’s home, after buying that fancy 2 door coupe, that fancy home, that outrageous holiday, that fancy fireplace. What was missing?

I have a theory and I’m sure there are a few people out there that have figured it out as well. The missing ‘hole’ in each of us is pure love. Yes, I know it’s not an amazing realization, but stay with me for a bit. You see love examples in humanity are never perfect, our parents are flawed in love, so are our lovers, children and friends, hence so are we. So how can we depend on another to love us purely? How do we know how to love purely?

Enter the rather overused and often misunderstood word ‘spirituality’. I suggest that there are two parts to solving for this conundrum.

We are not in full control

I have found there to be one common theme amongst all the major religions of the world. The idea that some things cannot be explained and that it is better to put your trust in something bigger than humanity itself. Whether you believe in the Big Bang, God, Aliens, Sadhana and so forth, you have given some of the responsibility of existence away to another entity. This ‘letting go’, as Brene Brown talks about in the Power of Vulnerability allows us to feel free. Ok so now we dont have to worry about this stuff, so we let go. This is the first step, TRUST in something greater than you or even the greater you. So then where does it all go, ah the second part is just as important.

The power to love purely exists in you

Whether you are a Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, the holy teachings focus on the idea of love being directly related to successfully living your life as these religious roles. Love is astonishingly explained similarly in the texts on these faiths. Go ahead read them (Quran, Bible, Gita) Even as an atheist, one lives according to some of the sustainable principles listed below. The Gita (Krishna) puts it well,

He who hates no living creature; who is loving and compassionate, without selfishness and self-seeking, who holds pain and pleasure equally; who is patient, contented, always loyal, full of self-control and steady determination; who fixes his mind and his reason on me and loves me; he is dear to me”

And then there is the well known 1 Corinthians 13, which is very similar.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

So these texts give us an example of what it means to show love in words. What it means in action is what our journey through life is all about. If we choose we continue to grow and learn on how to act out of love we move closer to that idea of pure love. The learning of how to love this way is focused inwardly and acted outwardly to others.

The religions of the world also give great human examples of how to practice this pure love in their scriptures. Christianity has a sacrificial example of pure love through the death and resurrection of Jesus, which ensures that only one co-dependent relationship for humanity should exist. That relationship is with God, who is ever forgiving and loving, hence one is free to create expectations of this love relationship with God that will always be met and thus freeing the individual from needing this dependence for other humans. If you will always be loved then you can feel free to give love.

So however you would like to do it, start with letting go, find the love within yourself through the means that resonates with you and then act that love outwards and the paradox is that you then begin to take control of your life and seem to find the thing that fills the ‘hole’ so that the searching ends and the living begins.