My mother lied on my autism assessment

“even if your parents don’t believe you, your identity, neurotype and/or disability are still valid.” — Graphic by me. link this post — or the one you are reading now and credit me if you want to use it.

My mother lied on my autism assessment. I don’t know what she said, but I believe it was inconsistent (with her words or with facts about me) — so the psychologist doing the assessment asked to bring in another family member, and said in an indirect (“polite”) way that my mom lied.Mother also during the whole meeting with another psychologist about the fact that I can not “have Asparger’s syndrome”, even when the psychologist read section by section why I meet the diagnostic criteria.
She said that it wasn’t true or that such behaviors are common and that she “was acting the same way” and that she is “normal”.The psych was shocked. I was very disappointed with my mother.This happened 2 years ago. She still holds her position that I can’t be autistic. Because I am:

1. “Too emphatic“ or “have empathy”
2. Not “Sheldon-Cooper’y” enough
3. Can communicate very well with (neurodivergent) children while giving them privet lessons.
4. Have a partner, the same one from 11th grade.

She is also paying for my psychological treatment, and hopes it will help to get rid of my autistic behaviors. The “can’t be autistic” me.

This is the way, my family deals with things. They just pretend they are not real, and when you act by these things (show feelings, act in a gender non conforming way, etc’) they shame you for them.
This is how my mother treats my autism, my sexual orientation, my gender identity, my mental health and the fact I can’t drive.

I have seen families do it to their members by denying their disability (I know several women with fibromyalgia who’s family just believe they are “lazy” and “spoiled”). I know a young man who’s parents deny his Asperger’s — even though he was diagnosed as a child, and as adult. They also denied him any support.
This is real. It happens to many people and it is wrong. Ignoring another’s person’s struggles and pretending they are not real is a shitty thing to do. It won’t make these people feel better, won’t “cure” their condition and won’t make them tougher. All that this will do is show them that they can’t trust you with the truth. Because you prefer to pretend that they are what you think they should be, instead of accepting the reality. Because maybe you are “too weak, too touchy and too sensitive” to handle the fact that the people you love are not what you want them to be.

Your identity and/or struggles are real, and if your family denies that — they are wrong , even if they do it out of love and care. Even if you are wrong — and your diagnosis is false, you are defensively struggling with something , and them denying it won’t change that fact.