The Power of Minding My Own Business
It’s amazing how minding your own business can really heal relationships and give you a peace of mind.
Minding my business means, I’ll do my job, I’ll do my things, I’ll do me. I won’t give expectations for other people, I will just give expectations for myself, and be proud for my achievements, deal with my own problems, and mend my own mistakes.
I won’t start comparing with other people. People are great. I am great too. People may be better at some things, I am better at other things. People may be lacking in some things, and I need to patch up some other things. We are all different, and that’s what makes us unique.
That’s what makes us all human.
It’s incredible how many people don’t mind their own business — including me. As a codependent, I rely on other’s business for my own sense of self-worth.
All the while, I thought I was kind, selfless, and I did things for others. I thought I was altruistic and — shameless-plug here — very much a saint and superhero. Little did I know, I was more of an unsolicited superhero — the superhero that nobody asked for, thinking others are incapable of their actions and trying to show how good of a person I am. Was it for my personal gain? Was it for validation that I was good and trustworthy? Why do I feed on it? Probably it is due to my personal fear that people are going to leave.
That’s why, as obvious as it should seem — no, I never mind my own business. Hey ho ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
After 2 months realizing that I’m codependent, and attending 7 weekly meetings and 3 step question meetings, it was about time that I fully understand the phrase “MYOB”.
I understood how I needed to detach with love. I understood the concepts, yes — but I only detached actions. I didn’t detach feelings. My feelings were still intact. The detached actions still left a string, and the string was still suffocating other people I wanted to ‘help’. And this didn’t give them breathing space.
I could be that person who’s a parent trying to detach from my child but now my child’s in kindergarten and who will look after her?!— so I have to peep into the gates to see her play. Gosh.
It’s about time.
Today, 27th of February, I realized how my “excess of a string” is still wrapping around people’s lives, and, to put it in a hard way — I was suffocating the air from my loved’s one’s atmospheres. Wherever they breathed, I walked. Wherever they went, I followed. I felt an impending scarce. I felt like a child needing validation, and needing people to tell me “hey it’s okay, I’m here, don’t worry, I’m not gonna leave”. And when I get that, I get my ‘self-validation’ bar filled temporarily. And when it is depleted, I loom around with scarcity begging to be valued again.
From today, I found I have the power to finally let go of strings, visible or invisible.
I would like to thank my partner who also let me know how important strings are, and therefore I’m motivated to properly detach.
