Joy, Pain and Anxiety

This is what sums up my 2019.

Back in December 2018, I wrote about what I want from 2019. Reflecting back, I think I managed to achieve about 60% of it. I continued to invest in my relationships; friends and family. I actually changed my job as I discovered pain in my previous one. I did a lot of public speaking. I started mentoring. I organised a conference.

There were some new things too which were not in my agenda. I had only 1 recreational holiday. I have a life coach now. And I found a personal trainer! I also developed health issues.

Towards the end of summer, I had a surprise turn of events. I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism and anxiety. Both of them cause fatigue. This was quite hard for me to accept and I decided to slow down. I did change my job to a better one and I have to say whilst it’s challenging, it’s a great group of people to learn from. I shared my vulnerabilities with my team and colleagues and saw a positive change in their attitudes. I am quite proud of my team and how safe we feel with each other. We call each other out but also care immensely. They remind me of when I am pushing myself too much and have a huge role to play in my road to recovery.

I spoke at a lot of events this year. 9 to be exact. I declined a few. One of them was with Daniel North(one of my mentors). Again, no words to express what it feels like to share the stage with him. I spoke about anxiety and tech at 2 of these conferences (and 1 internally). I have still not been able to understand the vibe which was created as a result of it. I had colleagues and strangers open up to me about their lives and coping mechanisms. People hugged me and broke down. It showed to me that everyone has some version of a difficult journey in their life and just need someone to listen to it. This makes me want to improve myself even more and give back to my community.

What have I learnt?

• Try and have a rough idea of what you want to achieve. It’s ok to fail on this.
• Travelling is important to me. It gives me endorphins and energy.
• Comfort with family is also important to me.
• Listen to your body. Sleep when you are tired. Exercise regularly. Avoid sugar! (Yes, I know this is hard, I love my desserts).
• I started eating healthier snacks
• I have reduced processed food in my diet to a great extent
• Remove toxic or unhappy relationships from your life.
• Know your boundaries. Make your loved ones aware of them.
• It is important to be around emotionally intelligent people.
• Don’t push yourself to do more than you can. You are the only one seeking perfection from yourself.
• Openly express your love and care to others.
• I have work-life integration in my life. But I am not my job. My job is a part of who I am as an individual.
• Showing strength is important. But it’s also ok to be weak sometimes.
• I love green spaces. I have a lot of plants in my house now.
• Start decluttering your life slowly. Of objects. Of people. Find meaning in everything you see and the people you meet every day.
• Be proud of your imperfections!