Success and Money: Ego’s Poisoned Dangling Carrots

Paying the price of forg(o)ing yourself

What happens when you cannot fully accept and love yourself for who you are? What are the consequences of not being able to value existence and life themselves for what they are? You will become dependent on the views of others, the expectations you believe others to have of you, and you start losing control of your own life. You begin losing yourself, and the best and most unique parts of you usually go first. Your ego becomes a point of attachment for puppet strings held by everyone you wish to impress and fear to disappoint. Your thoughts and actions are driven less and less by your true self and more and more by unnatural desires, anxieties and internalized external pressures. In some cases, instead of merely pushing your life in an unnatural direction, these forces can even paralyze and ultimately destroy you. But most of those afflicted by this quite ubiquitous phenomenon retain their mental health - at least in terms of being able to function - while becoming mentally enslaved to some degree, captured in the narrow stream of socially accepted delusions that drowns true sanity and free thought in this Western world.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you become blind to the inherent value of every living being, you will become possessed by the illusion there is value to be gained and value to be lost. You begin to compare. You begin to see negative differences that need to be bridged and positive differences that need to be enlarged. Usually differences in wealth and status between you and the people relatively close to you. Sometimes the extremes in wealth, status and the associated possibilities, free time and freedom – in a very limited sense of the word, and often leading to the loss of other forms of freedom – which we are frequently confronted with through all sorts of media in this (mis)information age, work as a powerful magnetic force convincing us we are missing out. Additionally, they can work as a way to clear our conscience about the relatively mild material inequality represented by our own wealth in comparison to these obviously excessive extremes. This works in about the same manner in which the superficiality displayed by characters in reality TV shows can serve as a way to clear the conscience of the viewers about their own superficial traits, partly explaining the widespread appeal. The subconscious magnetic force of the prevailing extremes can influence the course of a society by subduing conscientious tension that might otherwise become a painful yet positive force for meaningful personal growth allowing the preservation of an authentic identity. This is just one of many ways in which the media can have a profound influence on people's thinking and behaviour.

For imagine a scenario in which the harshest realities of the connection of our culture, society and lifestyle to the suffering of the poorest and otherwise most misfortuned in the world and the actions of those trying to change this in a meaningful way are as prevalent in the popular media as are now the distracting stories of material success, superficial values, mostly egocentric achievement and all other kinds of soul- and mind-numbing noise. Do you truly believe there would not be a massive impact on people's behaviour? Do you truly believe there is some kind of rigid and limited human nature to blame and resign to when it is glaringly obvious to anyone who is somewhat aware that we are being manipulated by a wide variety of mechanisms? It is the relative predominance of awareness of possibilities of having more and experiencing more versus awareness of possibilities of having less and experiencing less - or experiencing more suffering - that stimulates egocentric thinking and behaviour. It is the inability to reach an endpoint where we are happy with what we have, instead becoming trapped in an endless pursuit of new things, new experiences and new achievements to fill whatever hole it is we feel inside of us because we cannot see our inherent value. At the same time, we are sorely lacking in awareness of the meaning and the consequences of our actions, be it the things we consume, the systems we support or the goals we achieve. This is not human nature, this is a small part of the enormous variety in possible human behaviour that is so dependent on our upbringing and our environment, on the input we received in the past and are receiving in the present, and the often misguided beliefs we hold as a result.

"The principle that human nature, in its psychological aspects, is nothing more than a product of history and given social relations removes all barriers to coercion and manipulation by the powerful." - Noam Chomsky

Of course, there are a number of factors preventing the scenario I mentioned from occurring, one of which is the fact that most people in this society dread being confronted with what makes them feel depressed and guilty, and what could possibly force them to change their lives and fight the system. This is especially true when they're not certain others will do the same. All kinds of influences convince us to stay positive and ignore or avoid negative elements in this world, so we can focus on being "productive", "succesful" and "awesome". And so most of us are bubble dwellers who prefer only letting other bubble dwellers into their lives, preferably with bubble radii not much larger than our own. The ever more widespread use of antidepressants stimulates this phenomenon, suppressing symptoms in the individual instead of the underlying root causes which often cannot be found in the individual but rather within the society. Another factor that obstructs progress is the fact most people like to spend the little time they have to spare from their busy lives purely on what can make them relax and enjoy themselves. The reason they have so little time and tolerance for the less digestable aspects of reality is primarily the fact they spend so much energy and time on "getting ahead", building businesses and careers, networking, sustaining bonds with a large number of friends and amassing wealth. And thus most everything that matters stays the same, because of the powerful pressure for many of us to try and elevate ourselves in very specific ways within the system. To grow and keep on growing in certain directions. To distinguish ourselves in ways that will satisfy our ego and earn us a respectable position among our peers, and if possible, a luxurious or at least very comfortable lifestyle. Some are more affected than others, and aside from careerism and business there is a large variety of other ways in which people attempt to relieve this internalized external pressure. But the issue is very widespread.

"The strategic adversary is fascism... the fascism in us all, in our heads and in our everyday behavior, the fascism that causes us to love power, to desire the very thing that dominates and exploits us." - Michel Foucault

If we don’t submit to this pressure, many of us will become unhappy, not being able to value ourselves sufficiently as a result of this fallacious perspective, and feeling like we're falling behind and missing out. As a result of our dependence from the perceptions of others, we might even cave in if we have a very different view on what makes for a meaningful life. We will see ourselves as not living up to our potential, a disappointment and failure in the eyes of others, and our ego will cause us great pain. This is especially true for those gifted with many talents and many possibilities to be successful in the modern meaning of the word. All because it is so difficult to find self-worth and self-esteem within ourselves, and because most of us falsely believe there to be differences in the worth of human beings. But this is clearly madness. For one, in the majority of cases, the success that is desired entails achievements that do very little to relieve the huge amount of suffering in this world, sometimes even increasing it, albeit usually in an indirect, inconspicuous way. From a logical and moral point of view, the only achievements and successes that are worth striving for are those that enhance the lives of others, not just our own. And the first lives we are obligated to try and impact are those who suffer most deeply and especially those who suffer as a result of the systems we live in and sustain. We should not respect blind striving and selfish accomplishments, even if in some cases they might slightly improve the already comparably comfortable lives of the well-off people in our own society. There is of course a multitude of ways to have a positive impact on this world, and there is also much good that can be done from within the system. For some people it will be difficult to have a significant impact on anyone but those close to them. But there needs to be a critical mass of individuals who aim to change the system itself. And anyone who is somewhat aware and knowledgeable can share information, can try to convince others. For if you have the slightest grasp on reality, if you understand how this world works, the huge challenges we face in the future and the consequences resulting from living our lives in these Western societies - especially when leading a luxurious lifestyle with a high level of consumption - you should feel morally obligated to do whatever you can to try and make a difference, and preferably to try and change the system and upset the status quo.

Instead, most of us simply try to make as much money as possible doing things we are good at and/or enjoy - for some, enjoyment and wealth acquisition being one and the same - while taking optimal advantage of the opportunities life offers us, "balanced" with a little philantropy and ecological awareness to ease our conscience. One of the biggest problems is the fact that admiration, respect and praise are readily given to those who demonstrate ability, perseverance and cunning in their accomplishments, regardless of the truly positive impacts of what they have accomplished and the display of anything but the crudest form of integrity. Often, simply doing something that allows one to amass a large amount of money in a short time span is enough to be respected or considered “smart”. The problem is an underlying assumption many of us have that it is a respectable goal and an enviable accomplishment to get ahead in this limited, self-centered way, as long as it is done legally and without directly hurting others. An associated problem is the fact that most people only see the most obvious, direct links in reality, and are incapable of following causal chains to even a respectable fraction of their full lengths, often missing or ignoring many of the branches to what they consider unrelated phenomena. Most implications of our actions, systems and assumptions remain hidden to the general population, as they cannot see beyond the surface of the small bubbles in which they live, and are discouraged to try and extend their view.

“Conventional opinions fit so comfortably into the dominant paradigm as to be seen not as opinions but as statements of fact, as 'the nature of things'. The very efficacy of opinion manipulation rests on the fact that we do not know we are being manipulated. The most insidious forms of oppression are those that so insinuate themselves into our communication universe and the recesses of our minds that we do not even realize they are acting upon us. The most powerful ideologies are not those that prevail against all challengers but those that are never challenged because in their ubiquity they appear as nothing more than the unadorned truth.” - Michael Parenti

A good example of this madness is the now quite popular motto "you only live once", the less eloquent version of carpe diem. In essence, this reminder of the finiteness of life can serve as a positive motivator and lead to the active pursuit of honorable goals. In reality, it is often used as a justification for a blind quest aimed at gathering a large amount of wealth and attaining all kinds of self-centered achievements, along with hedonistic and reckless enjoyment at the expense of ethical considerations. It becomes too focused on "you", forgetting that "everyone only lives once". By stimulating a disproportional focus on the limited time we have and all the opportunities we might miss, it can generate an anxiety that diminishes the experience of life by engendering a hurry, the fear of missing out, and the numbing of the experience of smaller, less exotic enjoyments. This is especially true when one is aware of the endless array of possibilities and opportunities in the Western world as a result of our immense exposure to them through the media and advertising. New needs are constantly being created by inducing unfulfilled desires through the power of temptation, often taking advantage of the inability of many of us to form a complete and authentic self-generated identity. When we are also faced with so many experiences and achievements of others, a tunnel vision can arise that pushes us to try and reach all kinds of goals in time, as if our life wouldn't have enough meaning if we didn't.

“The goal of a good society is to structure social relations and institutions so that cooperative and generous impulses are rewarded, while antisocial ones are discouraged. The problem with capitalism is that it best rewards the worst part of us: ruthless, competitive, conniving, opportunistic, acquisitive drives, giving little reward and often much punishment - or at least much handicap - to honesty, compassion, fair play, many forms of hard work, love of justice, and a concern for those in need.” - Michael Parenti

As I mentioned earlier, the problem is awareness. For what is often forgotten is the fact that in many other parts of the world, there is only the tiniest fraction of our possibilities and opportunities. What's worse, this lack of opportunities, wealth, time and freedom is often a result of the exploitation that allows us to have ours. And so for any human being with a heart, the only reasonable application of carpe diem is to enjoy yourself through a combination of love, the basic comforts and delights of life, culture, art - in the broadest sense -, nature, sport and artistic expression, while providing yourself with enough resources to be able to do this, which shouldn't be all that much if you don't overconsume. But most importantly, dependent on your abilities and resources, you should do everything you can to make sure those with the least possibilities can also make the most of life, and do not need to suffer needlessly. There is little justification in buying yourself a huge mansion when the money you would have left if you bought a normal home could be used to grant countless people a huge improvement in their lives. No matter how much harder than others you think you worked for your money, how many more risks you think you took, and how much you delude yourself into thinking you're worth it. To give another example, it doesn't make much moral sense to focus your efforts on writing about something like fashion if you have the skill and knowledge to tackle serious issues and help bring about meaningful change. The main point I want to make here is that as an alternative for focussing on achievement, we should focus on the goals to be achieved. It is not so much success that has an inherent value as the good realized by one’s success.

I want to conclude by reiterating what I consider to be the most important observation that can be made here. There is an incredible liberation to be found in the only meaningful form of self-actualization, in finding a way to create your own self-worth by realizing the inherent and immutable worth of every human being, the beauty of the simple things in life, and the joy of altruism. The strongest empowerment can be found in becoming independent from the perceptions of others, losing the associated insecurities and filling the hole in yourself with existence itself, not by becoming dependent on all kinds of external forces. This can grant you the most meaningful form of freedom, the freedom to truly be yourself and live the life you really want to live. It is the only achievement that can allow you to cast off the shackles keeping you from your freedom through your greatest weakness, your ego.