Missed.

Or Hit?

As I type this in the hospital, looking at my wife asleep, at 1.41am in the morning, I am tired but can’t seem to fall asleep.

This is a personal post and I can’t help but want to post these feelings somewhere. I don’t know if people will read this based on the title, or if this story makes any sense to any one.

Me and my wife, we are devastated today. We found out that our 9 weeks old baby’s heart stopped. We were told it stopped growing 1 to 2 weeks ago, at 7th week.

We were so excited and happy to announce the pregnancy once the baby hits 12th week at a stable and safe “age”.

Did we miss or did we hit? We were told most likely the baby couldn’t survive because of the genes that made it up were highly unhealthy and abnormal. It happens 1 in every 5 babies, 2 in every 10.

I am tired but I can’t fall asleep. I comforted my wife, our parents, assured them it is all right, everything is in God’s hands, everything is in God’s timing and plans, and that everything is all right. We have to stay positive, and not let this small issue become a big stumbling block.

Did we miss this baby, or did we hit?

Is this something good, or something bad?

As I sit here writing this, thinking about what happened.. everything seems so surreal. I wanted to cry but forced myself to hold back my tears.

We knew it is better to find out that the baby is most likely abnormal, and stopped growing, than it born and being abnormal, which is a bigger deal.

But we can’t help feeling upset, disappointed and.. We miss the child.

Did we miss on seeing and being good parents to the child, or did we got hit by a blessing in disguise?