Musings of a working mum #4: The Business Of Making Time For What Is Important.
We have all heard the saying “ you make time for what is important”. I don’t know about you, but if I knew how to ‘make’ as in ‘create’ time, well for one thing, I would be more well known than I am today! As far as I can tell, time is the one constant everyone shares, there are only 24 hours in any given day and irrespective of your socio-economic status, you get that same 24 hours. Like me, most people divide their day into pockets of time, we prioritise those tasks/objectives that have pre-set hours which are outside of our control (e.g. school and work hours) and we find ways to fit everything else around them.
The average adult spends close to a third of his/her waking hours working and that’s based on an 8 hour a day average!
In the last few weeks I have had a couple of milestones, my oldest turned 6 and my youngest 2, and I crossed the 7 year PQE threshold as a solicitor. Catching a glimpse of my degree certificate also reminded me that I graduated 12 years ago (now that was a shock)! All these dates got me thinking, where has all the time gone? What have I devoted myself to during this time and more importantly how did I miss the passage of so much time? Yes, I have been aware that time was moving but have I had the presence of mind to take control of my time?
A dear friend once said that if time is a measure of life, then a waste of time is a waste of life!
In a world where we are increasingly reminded of the importance of mindfulness, embracing happiness and pushing for a better work-life balance, these milestones got me thinking, have I been present enough? Have I spent so much time focusing on the tasks brought on by work and family life that I have missed out on the substance? Have the cares of life and the need to deal with them been allowed to swallow up all my time? More importantly, have I been wasting my life?
Without allowing myself fall into the doldrums, as that is a pointless waste of time, I suspect that with the benefit of hindsight, I would have apportioned my time differently! For one, I would have signed up for the baby and mother swimming class after my youngest rather than waiting for the ‘baby weight’ to drop off and then finding that I was ‘out of time’ as I was back in full time employment and the timings no longer worked!
Now, I cannot go back in time but I can make different choices going forward.
Rather than devoting all my time to the things I have to do, e.g. hitting deadlines, meeting targets, making sure the children’s homework is turned around etc., I will make time to savor the simple joy of being in a profession I love, just being present with the family (and not running through some secondary agenda) — no more trying to hurry the night-time routine so I can get a few more hours of work in.
There are only so many hours in the day and unfortunately, I always seem to be out of time to do the things I simply want to do as I have prioritised the things I know needs to be done. As adults we are programmed to think this way, and these days I even find myself saying to my son that ‘he has to do what needs to be done first, so he can do the things he wants to do afterwards’. I occasionally throw in a “do what mummy has asked first” too, just because mummy knows best and I have a better handle of what is important between learning vs playing (for example)! Its a big lesson for a 6-year-old boy but an important one on his journey to maturity. Nevertheless, as he gets older he will have a better handle of his priorities and will not need his mum to remind him. I fully expect him to incrementally regulate his own time as he gets older.
For most working adults, ‘mummy’ and her priority bucket list has been replaced by bosses, career demands, promotion cycles, business pressures etc. These external factors that drive the ‘when’ and ‘how’ of what we do career/life wise. Yes, there are ‘immovables’ in our lives, many of which are outside of our control, however, we have to approach them with the understanding that there are equally important things we must also create time for. For example, I chose a legal career because I wanted to make a difference, if I don’t create time to do specific things that are geared towards this objective, then over time I will lose sight of that as a driver and my output at work will suffer for it.
Make time to ‘enjoy’ the ‘why’ behind your to do list, it will help re-introduce the passion in what you do!
I suspect that for many the hustle and bustle of juggling work and family demands has drained some of our passion/zeal. Too many times my best intentions for spending quality time with my family is impacted by the need to get through the dishes, laundry, and other chores that ‘fun’ is carved out of the dregs of what little reserves I have. The end products too often pale in comparison to my original intention.
I am committed to making sure that going forward I refuse to allow external factors dictate how I spend all my quality time.
I will make time to engage with the things that matter and ensure that they get onto my to-do-list and are given the priority they deserve.
It starts with incremental changes, the choice to make the time is the first step in re-balancing our time!
