Musings of a Working Mum: The importance of self-worth
It all begins with me. That may sound selfish and slightly out of step in a world increasingly driven by the ‘collective’, but it is true. If you have an unhealthy, unbalanced, view of your intrinsic value it will affect how you interact with all aspects of your life.
You will either overcompensate to balance out your perceived deficit or under commit to ‘prevent exposure’. Your sense of self-worth is key to a balanced engagement with all that life will throw at you.
We live in a very fast-paced society which places so many demands on our time. If unchecked, we can quickly fall into the habit of defining our value by how well we are performing on the ‘work’, or ‘social stage’ (that pesky business of comparing yourself to others and defining your success accordingly). These spheres (particularly the work sphere), if we let them, have the power to shape your sense of self-perception.
Most adults spend over 60% of the waking day working or thinking about work. Your success and failures in the workplace if unchecked can very quickly become the main measure with which you gauge your value and self-worth. We can very quickly give our best to work to the detriment of family and self.
This is by no means a call to a poor or shabby work ethic far from it, a healthy sense of self-worth dramatically improves your work output because you operate from a mindset of being value adding. You approach your work with the knowledge that you bring something unique, valuable and relevant.
Unfortunately for too many people with caring obligations (particularly mums), there is a tendency to approach work with a deficit mindset. You worry whether your caring obligations are an inconvenience to the business and fret whenever your home life means you need to make adjustments at work. Before long you end up devaluing your contributions and questioning your value to the organisation.
I know the feeling of guilt when a deal is on and everyone is gearing up for an all-nighter or at least a really late finish and you know you have to leave at a ‘decent’ time. The burden that comes from having a child unexpectedly fall ill when you have a deadline looming.
It is not easy to deal with the burden of ‘letting the team down’ and for many working mums we self perpetuate what we think others think of us when we have to leave for childcare reasons. We make apologies and promise to make up somehow, we expect to be marked down at appraisals and generally progress slower than those who don’t have the same obligations. In effect, we prioritise the perceived business needs as being far more important than ours and deem ourselves to be underperforming and unworthy.
Very few businesses have as their main objective the wellbeing of their employees, yes, it may be a consideration, but it’s hardly the overriding corporate objective. You, therefore need to remain committed to ensuring that you have a balanced approach to work. For example, the business needs might be that in addition to delivering on your core objectives you also need to be available at the drop of a hat, work late regularly and socialise with clients out of hours. For most working mums these additional requirements are untenable, which automatically places them on the back foot. In poorly managed working environments it often leads to women feeling like they are underperforming and below par compared to other colleagues. Creating a vicious cycle of self-perpetuating limitations.
We cannot control the demands of our jobs (unless self-employed but even then not fully) however we can control our attitude to work. If we see ourselves as being more than a drone, present for x hours each day to get a job done at all costs, and instead recognise that because we have competing demands doesn’t mean that we are less valuable to our organisation then we are better able to keep adding value.
We must learn to be as kind to ourselves and accommodating of our personal needs as we are of our organisations’. You have to maintain a positive self-image born from recognising that you are so much more than your ‘ time card’ and annual targets. You are a collection of all the different strands that make you unique and if you embrace the truth that having a life and passion outside of work makes you a better more balanced and insightful person then you are better able to add value, bring insight and still succeed in the workplace.
Working in an organisation with the right culture (a post for another day) certainly makes striking the balance easier. However, even if you find yourself in a work environment that’s toxic to your self-esteem and wellbeing don’t accept the status quo either speak up ( no matter how scary that might be) or move on and find an organisation that will appreciate and value you.
Love the who you are right now!
