Zen in Youth Lacrosse
Lacrosse — the Maker’s Game. A sport created for the Creator by Native Americans hundreds of years ago, a pre-war ritual where the Iroquois Nations played for entertainment, for trades/bets, to settle disputes, for celebrations and healing ceremonies, and to keep their bodies strong for war.
My two boys have fallen in love with the game, always having a stick in their hand and watching old games on youtube. I am a seeker, and so one day, we did some research on the game. One part of this game’s history has etched into my soul since learning it : Tribes would agree to a game of lacrosse to settle disputes before going to war. The ancient concept of playing a revered game to prevent mass casualties, just opened my mind on teamwork and conflict resolution. Now, don’t get me wrong, lacrosse is a full-contact sport and history shows that blood was shed, but at a much less rate than had they gone to war.
As a leader for our youth lacrosse program, my opportunities to resolve conflicts happens often, as it is with any group of people. Youth sports have evolved into this massive ball of expectations, money, and over-working our kids (but that’s a post and energy expense for another day), which often turns the sidelines into a conflict zone. Conflicts arise from opinions on strategy, play time, coaching differences, referees, and every other situation where an expectation has been created and not met.
As a practicing Zen Bodhisattva, these situations require compassion and empathy. Reminding myself that these conflicts are coming from a parent’s love for their kid, a young athlete who is just learning how to play with others, and at the core of it all — humans having a human experience.
3 Ways to be a Zen Coach — beyond skills, strategies, coaching plans and winning games:
- Lead with compassion. Whether you coach a rec or competitive team, remind yourself that these are kids. Their brains, their bodies, their spirits are still forming. They may have had a bad day at school, struggling with their parents, or fighting some internal dialogue you may never hear out loud. Compassion makes way for understanding and kindness in your interactions.
- Show gratitude — Remind yourself that you are the one privileged in this position to coach/teach/lead. Yes, you are making a great donation of time, energy, and maybe even money, to lead this group of kids — the gift is in the opportunity to see them learn a new skill and grow as humans learning to work together. Byproducts that you may never see such as giving kids a sense of belonging, and the foundation for how they will move through life to handle wins and losses, working as a team, and the value of hard work.
- Does your practice plan include meditation and breathing techniques? Meditation takes practice. A daily ritual of sitting in silence is one of the greatest things you can do for your personal health. In meditation, you create a discipline of clearing your mind, focusing on your breathing, calming your thoughts and, for me, I find I can focus better. Now imagine how the ability to calm your mind, breathe better, and focus can impact a kid in a game situation. . . or off the field/court when they are out there living their human experience. Incorporating meditation strategies in practices can make a great impact.
I have questioned my place in this Youth Lacrosse leadership role often — maybe a strong sense of imposter syndrome or doubt; but a recent situation silenced those thoughts. In short, I had the opportunity to drive carpool for a group of boys and after practice, they shared some things that allowed me the space to guide them towards being better humans.
I realized that I have been called in this space to serve. Although I live by the guiding principle to “Arrive Everyday, Without Expectations”, It is important for leaders to set the culture and live it. In all things spiritual, contradictions often arise, like having no expectations while also setting expectations. The opportunity to guide not only my kids, but other kids in the program, to be fierce competitors on the field, to resolve conflicts without war, and see that it is possible- to be both athletes in a full-contact sport, and maintain a high level of integrity, respectfulness, and compassion.
Coaches,
In case you did not hear it this season, you are making an impact, keep leading, keep coaching from the heart without expectations. We know its not easy and sometimes our kid can be the troublemaker, thank you for showing up for them each week and meeting every kid where they are, it often varies! Your effort helped them become physically and mentally stronger this season. Your love for the game, and this team, has been fun to watch.
In Gratitude,
all the parents watching from the sidelines.
Jen is a practicing Zen Bodhisattva, a wife, a mom to three, an outdoor and adventure seeker, yogi, hiker, cyclist, lacrosse mom extraordinaire, and lover of coffee dates.
In her free time, she is a co-host of No Expectations The Podcast, conversations on spirituality, zen, mindfulness, and modern day humans having modern day human experiences. Available where you listen.
