The (Break From and) Return To My 30-Day Journey
For those of you who have been reading these daily or just somewhat keeping up on this project, you may have missed a bit of a gap. I’ve missed the last four days, but there’s a decent reason why.
This project started out solely for my benefit. I posted them on this site because other people were involved, so I thought they deserved the recognition for the things they said. I shared it on all of social medias so that others could hear what the people I spoke with had to say.
The motivation for my postings changed a bit by the second week. I found myself being concerned with how many likes, views, reads, and recommends the posts were getting. The effects were magnified because I’ve shared these pieces on Medium, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
I was concerned with timing. I noticed that I was attempting to post the articles and pictures at times that coincided with when more people were online. This would be okay if my intent was more people reading for their benefit, but I was becoming immersed with it for a different reason than when I started.
I heard some awesome feedback from people that I haven’t talked to in awhile. I bumped into people and they told me they had been reading them. This made me feel amazing, but when I took a step back, I wondered if it had lost it’s original meaning. It was stressing me out for the wrong reasons.
So I intended to stop the project.
But then, I talked with my family and thought a lot about it. I asked them if they noticed anything, such as if I was focusing on it for too many wrong reasons. They said they noticed that I was acting better and growing through this. They could tell I was excited for each conversation. They observed an improvement in myself that I wasn’t noticing. Instead, I was getting down on myself. I was being too hard on myself.
To elaborate further, I questioned why I enjoy writing. Do I enjoy writing because I love knowing people read what I write and give me feedback? Or do I enjoy writing because it’s therapeutic and people just so happen to read it and maybe gain something from it?
After thinking heavily about it for a couple of days, I realized the answer didn’t matter so much. If I enjoy it and it makes feel better, happier, and also fulfilled, then amazing if people get something out of it. That’s it.
Today, I read a nice quote that helped with what I was having trouble with. It said something along the lines as this:
If you find yourself doing something and 90% of yourself is doing it for the right reasons, but 10% is doing it for the wrong, don’t hone in on that 10%. Give yourself a break. Focus on that 90% of the good.
This entire project is about me improving as a person, right?
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt. I believe that this project has far more good for myself––and others––than bad.