Rejected Kickstarter Perks

My rejected Kickstarter donation perk suggestions for a recent non-profit fundraising campaign.

1. For $500, please choose one of the following:

  • I will break up with someone for you.
  • I will deliver bad or difficult news to an immediate family member.
  • I will dress as a federal agent, interrupt a bad date by saying “We have a situation and need your help. I need you to come with me right now!” and then whisk you away in a black SUV.
  • I will make sure all your liquids are in TSA approved containers before a flight.
  • I will turn one bedroom in your home into a plastic covered, Dexter-style kill room.
  • I will scare one kid straight.

2. For $1000, you can say “I was hanging out with Cris last night. I’m not lying! Call him if you don’t believe me!” and give my phone number as an alibi for a month.

3. For $5000, I’ll be your “black friend” for functions and social media photos for one year.

4. For $10,000, I will let your dog eat peanut butter from my mouth.

5. For $20,000, you get to play “Seven Minutes In Kevin” with a Kevin of your choice.