Adulthood | 944
My Author Journey, Monday, August 21, 2017
# 944 (countdown)
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Today I took a picture from a roof of a university building. Couldn’t actually walk outside (the door was locked) but went as high as the roof and there was a window which allowed me to take this photo.
I feel like Philippe Petit, exploring the unusual, unseen, hard to reach places. Places only few people saw.
Or like a child I’m no longer supposed to be at 40. I’m supposed to be an adult.
But what does it mean to be an adult? Do what other (most) people my age do without ever asking why, because you’re supposed to color inside the lines, not ask questions? Is this adulthood? Or be dead serious, wear office clothes, work 9–5, not freak out, not stand out, not act weird? Is this adulthood? Or always aim to make more money to buy more stuff or, as it is nowadays, experiences, so that you can then show off to your Facebook friends? Is this adulthood? Or tell yourself the same bullshit clichés that it’s too late to change your life, because what, will you go back to college now (or start from square one), or that you can’t do it to people (disappoint your parents or spouse or risk being nobody by the most obvious and common measure of being somebody in this world and embarrass your teenage kid for example), or that you have all those bills (and can’t not have them)? Is this adulthood?
I also visited an office building. Felt like an outsider in the ocean of all those people wearing suits and other formal clothes. Heading to important meetings, heading to lunch with their colleagues, going back from lunch, taking a cigarette break. All perfect by the most common measure of being perfect. Wearing designer clothes and perfumes, men shaved or with perfect moustache or beard, women on high heels wearing expensive makeup, some with designer glasses, men and woman with perfect, trendy haircuts. Altering between serious, amused and important looks in their eyes and on their faces. I was once a part of that world too. I hated it. I bet some like it and couldn’t live without it. That’s the dream of most parents in this world. For their child to be in one of those places. They would never wish their child would struggle as an artist for decades or never be “discovered”. But what if this kind of life would bring them more satisfaction than this superficial conventional success (success which is obvious, because it can be judged by the brand of the car you drive or watch you wear? It’s like you can only be somebody in this world if you’re always winning in the conventional sense (always having successes which are obvious and easily measurable). It’s like a person who is a struggling artist can’t add value to other people’s lives. As if only bankers and lawyers and people working in other obvious professions can do that.
Heck, it’s like in today’s world you can’t even be a struggling (starving) artist. Even if that’s your choice. Because they’ll tell you that you are not a real artist. That real artists don’t starve. That today real artists also should make a shitload of money and be famous and eat caviar and drink Champagne for breakfast (or a least they should be able to afford it). They won’t leave you alone. No. They must tell you what you should do, how you should live and what should be the measure of your success. They just can’t shut up. Turns out being on Facebook and bragging on a daily basis is mandatory in our society and being this 20, 30, 40, 50 years in the making artist or master of your craft for your own satisfaction, for the love of the game doesn’t count and is a nice (romantic) thing to watch in a movie or read in a newspaper from time to time and then post on Insta(gram).
Quite unexpectedly switched to my previously favorite Starbucks store in Zebra Tower. It’s funny because a few days ago I wrote that I’m not going to change the place. It’s funny how we surprise ourselves. And my take, it’s good if you allow this to happen, if you don’t try to stick to some earlier course of action or plan at all cost because of what you said. Heck, we say a lot of things in a day. Should we be crippled by those, sometimes dumb things we said?
Reading.
In the Shadow of the American Dream: The Diaries of David Wojnarowicz (20 min; on scribd app).
Listening to audio.
The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future by Kevin Kelly (20 min, on my scribd app).
Movies
Harry Benson: Shoot First (on Netflix).
Progress on my second book. 3 hours’ worth of editing.
Meditating: 10 minutes (before falling asleep, on Headspace). Third day in a row now.
My today’s answers on Quora:
Answer to What is the formula for success?
Answer to I don’t have any dreams or goals or aspirations. I’m 33. How do I find my passion?
Answer to What are alternative career options for law graduates?
Music for this writing session: Glass Essentials: An 80th Anniversary Tribute by Philip Glass (on spotify).
My today’s route.



My today’s favorite.

My today’s photos on flickr Warsaw, August 21, 2017

