First off, I don’t have 20+ years of experience on you. That’s ludicrous. How old do you think I am? I have 19 years of experience on you. BIG difference.

Secondly, no it’s not easy. I may seem well adjusted, but being the Second Friend is still hard. But like I said in my article, I personally think the other approach is harder.

If you go the route of being the First Friend let me give you an example of an experience you’re bound to have.

One day, your friend is going to come to you with something they’re really excited about. You’re so tired of that look of disappointment or frustration you get when you point out the flaws or dangers in their idea, so you go along with it. You share in their joy and they bounce away happy and you smile. But in the back of your mind, you don’t feel so great. You basically just lied to your friend.

And maybe things work out this time for them and you’re encouraged to continue to play the First Friend role, but eventually it won’t go the way they want it. One of your friends is going to end up very disappointed and possibly financially or emotionally ruined and you didn’t say anything.

And then when things go wrong and they come to you asking what goes wrong, do you tell them all the fears you had but didn’t express? Do you just continue to play the part of the first friend and console them with platitudes? Option one, you end up with a friend who’s trust you’ve broken, but either way, you have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life. You have to look at your friend and know you could have helped them. Either way it will drive a wedge in your friendship. It sucks.

Maybe first friends don’t have the insight second friends have. Maybe it’s a blessing and a curse we have to live with. I don’t know.